Broken Strings
by Treebee
Summary: Can you fix a person that is broken? Garcia's relationship with Lynch has turned dangerous and she won't even save herself. Is there anyone who can help her and save the Garcia that we know and love. Rated M for language and possible lemons! ENJOY AND R&R
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own anything, all the characters are juicy enough as they are! Let me know what you think! **

**Garcia POV**

Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror I quickly looked away.

"If you don't like what you see, change it" I told myself.

Never a truer word was said in my book.

I picked out a plain black dress and scraped my hair back into a bun.

Wondering what we would be doing today I made our bed. Last week we had taken a walk in the park together. It was so nice just to spend time with him.

He seemed to have so little of it lately.

Kevin had started going to the gym so I had to wait for him to come back, but it had really started to pay off for him.

We had spoken about improving out lifestyles and diets. The healthy eating I had managed but work just didn't give me the time for the gym.

Kevin's job was a bit more nine to five then mine.

What the team didn't realise was that every time they stepped out the door it created thousands of data files that needed to be catalogued and archived. In other words it sucks ass.

I had always been self conscious and had hidden behind my vibrant colours. Kevin said that I should abandon them for a while and if I didn't like what I saw then I would have to change it.

I really didn't.

I was plain, painfully plain.

So that's when all this healthy living started.

Kevin got frustrated with me at times, especially when I didn't reach my goal weight each month and I was disappointed with myself.

I wanted to be THAT girl. The one that Kevin would be proud to have on his arm and kiss on the cheek rather than stand at an impersonal foot away from me.

I wanted him to be proud of me.

I had tried but Kevin had really taken it to a new level.

Our book shelves were filled with motivational titles. I was proud of him and I didn't mind the confident boost it had given him either.

He was so much more assured of himself. But he seemed to be growing more and unsure about me. That frightened me.

To busy myself I cleaned the house. We had redecorated when Kevin had moved in. The walls were now a very grown up vanilla.

We had decided that it had to be shared space so I had put all my wacky, childish tat in storage for now.

I fixed a healthy tuna salad for me and Kevin and had it on the table just when he walked in.

The weights really were paying off. He was more sculpted then he was and had lost all of his excess weight.

"Did you have a good work out darling?"

"Yeah, you should have come with" He replied, not lifting his eyes from his plate.

Immediately I felt guilty, I wasn't supporting him enough. I was letting him down by not trying hard enough.

"I had some things to do around the house"

"Really? Like what?"

"I cleaned"

He ran a critical eye over our apartment. Oh crap! What had I missed?

With a nod he turned his eyes back to his food. He seemed to be enjoying it so at least it hadn't been a total loss.

I reached across the table to get the mayo for my salad.

"Should you really be eating that?"

I froze mid-breath

"You're not going to reach your goal weight if you keep eating shit like that"

I'd made him angry; I sat back and put my head down. Why couldn't I just make him happy, I was such a disappointment?

"I'm so disappointed with you Penelope, I mean; don't you want to change how you look?"

"I really do Kevin; I just want you to be happy"

"Well I'll be happy when you start making an effort and drop a few stone. Honestly Pen, I don't know how much more I can take of this".

After that he finished his meal in silence and left the table.

Mine sat in front of me, untouched. I was devastated; I was going to lose him if I didn't get myself in gear. I made a resolution to myself as I washed our dishes. I would become the woman he wanted me to be, starting now!

**Morgan POV**

Slamming the receiver back into its holster I realised that I just had to let it go.

I had to let her go.

She had made her bed, let her lie in it.

I wanted her to be happy. I just didn't understand why I couldn't be a part of that happiness.

It was the fifth time I had tried to call her and the fifth time I had heard the same message.

"The number you have dialled is no longer in service"

She had changed her number.

I was done trying to understand.

If this was how she wanted it to be….

Then so be it!

**Garcia POV**

After a long bank holiday weekend it was my first day back at work and my fourth day on my new eating regime.

It was working already, my clothes felt looser and Kevin had actually given me a kiss on the lips this morning so it had to be doing me some good.

I couldn't wait for the time when he would take me in his arms and love me like he used to.

That is what I would work toward.

My monitors were springing to life all around me when I realised that I had left my office door open. I stood to close it and caught an agent looking my way. She smiled in greeting. I closed the door without acknowledging her.

Kevin had taught me that familiarity breeds contempt and that the members of the unit who had been my "friends" had just been a bad influence on me all along!

With my computers whirring comfortingly around me, the serenity was breeched by the shrill ringing of my phone.

I knew who it was.

The team had got a case and was across country. At least it would give me a few days without their questions.

Briskly I took the call.

"Penelope Garcia"

"Garcia, its Morgan…"

I waited in silence, did he want acknowledgment? An invitation maybe?

"I realise that agent Morgan, what can I do for you?"

Immediately his tone turned defensive.

"I need a background check on Andrew Turner and Simon Ringer."

"No problem, agent Morgan"

"Ehh Thanks baby gir….. Garcia"

The phone line went dead. I felt a fleeting pang for the friendship we had once had before I remembered that it wasn't really a friendship.

How could a guy like Morgan be friends with a girl like me?

The day rolled on, slowly. I was just counting down the minutes until I could be home with Kevin.

I was feeling a little light-headed though. I hadn't really eaten in four days and my stomach was screaming at me.

But, it was for the greater good so I drank some water and tried to ignore it.

I carried on through my day's drinking water and eating quarters of celery stick until the team had caught the bad guy. It had been over a week and I knew that I was due for a break.

Before having a few days off we all had to go in for the closing brief but there was a spring in my step.

I had lost over a stone in less than ten days and Kevin was so proud of me.

Everything was going right, finally.

I just wished he would spend some more time at home with me.

He was always at the gym. But it made him happy; he always came home a different man.

I went straight to the briefing room, A4 pad and water bottle in hand, just wanting to get this over and done with. I'd worn the same black dress. It didn't fit properly now, sagging in places that it shouldn't but I wasn't going to buy a whole new wardrobe just because I'd lost some puppy fat.

Everyone was already seated when I arrived. I didn't give anyone eye contact, not wanted to open the door to conversation, but I could feel Morgan's eyes burning into the side of my head.

After a few minutes it was becoming embarrassing and it was beginning to show in the flush of my cheeks. If he wanted a staring competition, he'd get one.

I lifted my head to meet his gaze expecting to see eyes filled with anger and contempt but instead I saw a brow creased with worry as he scanned my face.

My breath caught in my throat and I quickly dropped my head again.

What the hell?

When Hotch started the meeting I was trying to take notes as quickly as I could.

Either he was speaking faster than usual or I was losing my touch.

The muscles in my hands were cramping up and even listening to that dry, monotonous voice was difficult.

After a while my vision was becoming blurry. I just figured it was because I was trying to concentrate too much. But before long my head started spinning.

I abandoned trying to take notes, putting this meeting down as a total loss, and began sipping water.

Maybe I was dehydrated?

But that seemed impossible given that the only thing I was drinking was water!

"Sir, would you mind if I stepped out for a moment"

Hotch looked surprised by the interruption but one look at my face and his eyes widened in surprise.

I wondered what he saw in it.

"Yes of course Garcia, is everything alright?"

I stood up to leave and the room spun, the need to feel cool air on my face was nearly overwhelming.

"Yes Sir, some fresh air and I'll be…"

Next minute the dull gray carpet of the office floor was swirling up to meet my face.

I tried to put my arms up to protect myself but they were hanging lifelessly beside me.

And then everything was black.

**Morgan POV **

Garcia looked gaunt.

It was like she was the same on the outside but had lost all her filling.

God, she had to have lost over a stone, more even.

But it had only been a week since I'd seen her and I knew I was angry but I still watched her every step and knew every freckle on her face.

I would have noticed this!

I knew who had done this to her, by the looks of horror that seemed to echo around the room on the faces of my fellow team members they did too.

I kept looking at her, trying to see past the mask that he had made.

Finally she lifted her eyes to meet mine.

Come on baby, just give me a sign, any sign and I will end him!

But nothing!

I realised then that I couldn't give up on her.

I loved her too much, I wanted so much for. Her colour and vibrancy had made me whole. Her smile was like the sunlight at dawn touching cool grass after a long dark night. Nothing compared to her grace, her perfection. And Lynch certainly wasn't good enough to behold it.

"And neither are you" I told myself.

When I heard Garcia's voice I immediately snapped out of my daydreaming. There was something wrong with her.

A sheen of sweat glittered on her brow and all colour had drained from her face.

She stood up, slightly swaying on the spot and her hands were balled into fists.

I made to get up out of my seat but I was too late.

She was already falling.

The room erupted in a series of gasps.

I don't know how but in the space of a second I was the other side of Reed and caught her head before it hit the floor.

I didn't hesitate; I just scooped her up in my arms, too easily for my liking and made for the door.

Hotch caught me by the arm

"Where are you taking her?"

"I don't really know" My breath was catching in my throat as I looked down at her. What was wrong with me?

"Lay her down on the floor in the recovery position, Prentiss call for medics and JJ open the windows please"

I set her down carefully and stayed on the floor beside her. Hotch checked her pulse.

I should have done that!

I couldn't function, my baby girl was lying beside me motionless and I could do nothing about it.

Minutes passed before the medics arrived and by then Penelope was beginning to stir.

The medic was checking all her vitals

"She's gonna be fine, just a fainting spell I guess"

"You guess?" My voice dangerous.

The medic gulped and was suddenly very busy with what he was doing.

"Who's her next of kin; she should take the rest of the day off"

It was Reed who answered, I could have strangled him.

"Kevin Lynch I suppose, he works a few floors up, I'll go up and get him"

SOB, I was gonna ring his neck!

Contemplating on how I was going to kill Lynch and how long I could make it last Penelope's eyes fluttered open.

Seeing my face above her, her brow crumpled into a frown and she immediately tried to stand.

And that was when my heart shattered.

I was going to stand, let the others deal with it cos she clearly didn't want me near her but before I did I heard him.

"What the hell is this?"

Lynch was stood arrogantly in the door way, hands in his pockets and making no move to go to Penelope.

Fuck you man, I said to myself, I ain't goin no-where.

"Penelope fainted, probably due to losing weight too quickly"

Lynch's face flushed in anger.

To piss him off even I placed my hand on her forehead and tenderly ran it down the side of face.

Garcia slapped my hand away and immediately looked to Lynch to see what damage I had done.

"Pen, I'll take you home, I'll wait in the car."

There was a snort of disgust from JJ behind me, I really wanted to echo those sentiments but I was locked in the gaze of a blonde goddess who, at this moment, looked like she wanted to kill me.

But I didn't care; she was looking at me, seeing me, for the first time in months.

Abruptly, Garcia made to stand up. I put my hand under her elbow to help.

"Would you please just STOP, Agent Morgan?"

I had a feeling she wasn't just talking about the boost.

With that she turned and walked away back to Lynch!

**A/N well there's chapter one! Review and let me know what you think and if I should keep going with it! **

**I love Morgan, he's just bloody delicious! **

**Much loves **

**Treebz **

**X x x x x x x x x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing. **

**Chapter Two **

**Doubt **

**Morgan POV **

I just stood staring at the spot where Garcia's form had disappeared. The rest of the team were just as speechless. We knew something was going on with Garcia but we hadn't known how broken she had become.

It was Prentiss who spoke first.

"What do we do?"

That seemed to open the flood gates. The room was filled with suggestions, expletives were flying round, even Hotch joined in.

Garcia was family but how could we help her when she didn't want to be saved.

I knew there was nothing we could do for her.

"We have to wait for her to realise it herself or we will push her further away"

For some reason the room fell silent when I spoke. The knew I was right. It killed me but Garcia had to see the scumbag that Lynch was for herself.

Until then, she was on her own.

And so was I

**Garcia POV**

Racing down to the parking lot I was vaguely aware that I probably shouldn't have been standing just yet. The walls had the appearance of ocean waves, swelling and roiling as I moved my head.

But I knew that I had to get to Kevin. He must be so hurt. Not only was he called away from his work but then he arrives to see Morgan standing over me stroking my face.

This was not good.

The elevator doors slid open to reveal the parking garage and I immediately spotted Kevin's black BMW that he'd bought himself recently.

I quickly jumped in beside him not wanting to waste his time any further.

He didn't even look at me, he just started the engine and began the journey home in complete silence.

This was really bad!

I followed Kevin into our apartment and was glad of the fact that I would soon be able to lay down.

"Pen, sit here please"

I sat in the chair that he had pointed to and he took the one opposite me.

"What have you eaten today?"

I tried to think back to breakfast but I couldn't remember.

"Water and celery…. I think"

"That's good, you fainted because your body is detoxing from all the crap you've put into it over the years"

I nodded, that made sense, all the sugars and preservative had to have had an effect on me over the years.

"But, how dare you allow another man to touch you! don't you have any respect for yourself? For me even?"

"Of course I do Kevin, but one minute it was black and then you were there with Morgan standing over me, I didn't know what to do"

He sighed and place his head in his hands on the table.

"I don't know if I can be in a relationship with someone I can't trust and it's a shame cos you're doing so well with your diet I may have even been able to stand touching you soon"

My heart plummeted, I was going to lose him. He'd leave me and what would I be then. Who was I without Kevin?

"Please don't leave me Kevin, you can trust me I swear, I would never do anything to hurt you. Please!"

He nodded in reply and gave me a small smile.

"We'll give it another try"

I breathed a sigh of relief, I had another chance.

"I'm going to head to the gym, it'll be a late one, I've a lot of stress to work off today, Don't wait up"

"Of course my love"

With that he collected his things and left, leaving me alone with my shame. I had my last quarter of my celery stick and made myself a cup of boiled water and set to cleaning the house.

The shock of Kevin's ultimatum had snapped me out of my silly nausea. I set to sorting through our laundry. Mine was fairly simply, four black dresses and a few pairs of tights that I could just throw in the washing machine.

Kevin's suits needed to be dry cleaned. His smell still clung to the fabric, a wonderfully masculine smell mixed with something sweet that I couldn't put my finger on.

Placing the suits carefully in their plastic covers I've headed down to our local dry cleaners to hand them in. The man explained that because of the holiday they were back logged but could have them to me the day after tomorrow.

Kevin wouldn't like that. He would be down four suits for the rest of the week. But there was nothing I could do about it.

Back at the apartment I was at a loss of what to do with myself. The house was spotless, I had even polished all of Kevin's war hammer figures. He seemed to be using them less and less these days. He used to love them.

So I started reading one of the motivational books that were staring at me from across the room. As I relaxed into the first chapter ,'you're not a loser', I suddenly felt the full weight of the day.

So much had happened since I had gotten up this morning. I really wanted to talk to someone about it. But the friend who I would normally pick up the phone to was not a real friend.

Even though I knew this it was still a real loss. I missed spending time with Derek. Lazing around on his huge couch watching terrible television while eating pizza and ice-cream. Just talking through the day with him was nice. I seemed to be by myself an awful lot lately and, although I hated to admit it to myself, I was lonely.

I wanted the friend, that I had believed loved me as a friend, back

I didn't realise I was crying until I felt the tear splash against the back of my hand. I was so tired. I just wanted to go to bed and never get out of it.

**Morgan POV**

I wanted her to be changed when she came back into work.

But there was nothing different.

I came in early just to be there when she walked through the office.

When she arrived it was the same plain black dress that didn't show her luscious figure and her hair scraped into a low bun. She was a shadow of the girl he had known.

How could everything have gone so wrong so quickly? I had lost my best friend and it hurt like hell. It seemed like every step she took pierced my heart and yet she kept walking. Always walking away from me.

I still knew that leaving her be was the best thing to do. You could bury strength but you couldn't get rid of it and a woman as strong as Garcia had been was buried in there somewhere.

But sometimes I just wanted to go and shake her. Tell her that what she was doing to herself was dangerous.

That she was perfect as she was, as she had always been. That she would always be perfection, an angel sent from above to keep me sane.

I had always known this, she had always been there for me and I knew that all I had to do in return was to protect her, keep her safe.

I had well and truly failed.

I didn't care if she didn't want me. I had always known that I wasn't good enough for her. On more than one occasion when I was occupying myself with one of my blonde waifs I had said her name. I imagined it was her that I was touching, her screaming my name in pleasure, her shuddering beneath me in release.

But it wasn't and never would be. Besides, Garcia's body was not made for the quick fuck I gave the others. It was built for worship and I would gladly throw myself at her feet and praise her until either she was done with me or I left this world.

I just wanted her to be happy.

**Garcia POV**

Kevin hadn't gotten back from the gym that night until half eleven, I didn't even know they stayed open that late. I could understand what Kevin had said about me being lazy and not trying hard enough to make time for exercise especially when they were open so late. . I did have the time. Energy was the thing I was lacking in now.

I hadn't slept well at all last night. So much so that at two in the morning Kevin had asked me to sleep in the spare room.

I was just so tired. I didn't understand why I couldn't sleep. Even now as I sat at my desk, my shoulders slumped and eyelids drooping, fatigue threatened to take hold.

From what Kevin was saying I should be feeling amazing by now because of my healthy diet. But I wasn't. I felt awful and I was starving.

I worked through the morning in a daze looking forward to my piece of celery so I felt there was something in my stomach.

At lunch break there was a timid tap at my door.

"Come in"

Derek stepped through, poker straight and hands behind his back, looking totally uncertain of himself. That really wasn't like him.

"Garcia, I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me?"

"I can't Agent Morgan, I'm eating in my office today"

"Great, I'll join you"

To my absolute horror he pulled a lunchbox out from behind him and plonked himself in my spare seat.

"Erm…I ….eh"

I spluttered nonsensically while he made himself comfortable at my desk. I just stared at him, not quite sure what to say.

I decided there was nothing for it, I couldn't ask him to leave without sounding rude. Kevin would not like this. I would just had to eat quickly to make this as short as possible.

He opened his lunch and from it emerged the most mouth watering smell. The aroma nearly brought a tear to my eye. He picked up the first of two slices of double cheese pizza with pepperoni and pineapple. When he bit into it I could imagine the taste. The smooth cheese with the sharp pepperoni beautifully complimented by sweet pineapple. It was only then, when I was nearly drooling, that I realised that I was ogling his food.

And to my complete horror he had noticed.

"Yeah, last night I was feelin lazy so I just ordered in…Do you want a slice?"

He held the other temptingly outstretched in his free hand.

"No thank you, Agent" but my words had sounded as determined as they had in my head.

I whipped out my quarter of celery and started chewing on it. When in comparison to the deliciousness of the pizza it tasted like a mix between boot leather and cardboard.

I was vaguely aware of a slight tightening in Morgan's jaw when I took out my lunch box. Perhaps it was the pizza, I knew that Derek was usually a bit of a health freak. only really eating junk food when we'd had our movie nights and even then it was only because I had wanted it. But even I knew that pizza wasn't his favourite, it was mine.

Mind you tastes change, just like people.

In the corner of my mind I was aware of Morgan talking to me. My little reverie and the temptation of pizza was clouding my mind. He seemed to be waiting for me to answer a question he had asked so I just nodded and put my head down.

When I looked up again Morgan was smiling at me. Oh god, what had I just agreed to.

"What's so funny"

The smile vanished from his face.

"Nothing about this is funny baby girl"

There was a long moment when we just looked at each other. Each trying to figure the other out.

This just felt so natural to me. Maybe Kevin had gotten Derek wrong. He hadn't spent a lot of time with him after all. I'd known Derek going on ten year. A lot of things had changed but we could have some form of friendship, even if it was just a small piece of what we had shared before.

Derek was looking at me with a puzzled expression.

"Are you sure you don't want a bit of pizza?"

I was silent for a long moment. I had finished my own lunch ten minutes ago and in truth I wasn't sure if my stomach was still going to scream at me or not. One little piece couldn't hurt. I had been doing so well after all. And on the plus side, now that I knew the gym stayed open so long I could make time after work to go.

"Yes please" I said timidly, suddenly feeling shy "Just a small piece though"

He ripped a piece off for me, a bit bigger than I would have like but I wasn't going to complain, and began nibbling on it.

It was heavenly, I couldn't help but smiling.

**Morgan POV **

Thank God, there was hope.

That small smile gave me reason to keep breathing.

Gave me reason to keep trying.

For her.

**A/N ****Well there's the second chapter. I know not an awful lot happened but I needed to set some things up for future updates. A HA-UGE thank you to everyone who read and reviewed chapter one. Let me know what you think of this one, your reviews motivate me to write more goodies! **

**Treebs **

**X x x x x x **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**** Boring I know but again, I own nothing**

**Chapter Three**

**It's all in the cards **

**Garcia POV**

After finishing the day in a daze I went home. I'd decided that I wasn't going to tell Kevin about the pizza I had eaten today. There was no point, he was already stressed enough, he didn't need me adding to it. Besides, I was planning on going to the gym to work some of it off anyways.

I cooked Kevin a steak that I had picked up on the way home. Only the finest cut with no fat on. I served it with a little side salad with his favourite dressing.

Unfortunately for me the pizza I had eaten at lunch had opened the flood gates. My tummy had liked it and wanted more. So to stave it off and hopefully, get back on track, I had bought some low fat cottage cheese to put in my celery.

'That won't stop it from tasting like ass' a little voice in the back of my head told me. I quickly told myself to stop and focused on setting the table. I was already sat and ready to tuck into my dinner alone when Kevin came through the door.

"Hey honey, how was work?"

"Stressful"

He sat down behind the table and set into eating his steak. He gave my cottage cheese a disapproving glance but I kept eating it. It tasted like food rather than rabbit food . I realised that I was being childish, that the lack of food was probably making me grumpy. Still I shouldn't take it out on Kevin, he'd done nothing wrong, he was just trying to help.

When he'd finished he pushed his plate away and stared at me. The silence was beginning to make me apprehensive when he finally spoke.

"I hear Morgan was in your office today?"

My heart stopped beating. How could I have been so stupid, of course he would find out. At the end of the day the BAU was an office and people in offices gossip. When Morgan and I had stopped speaking it had been water cooler fodder for weeks. There was no way to dig myself out of this.

"Erm…yeah, we ate lunch together"

"Really!" his tone was dangerous, there was a look in his eyes that I didn't quite like. They were glazed over, like he'd been drinking.

"Did he share his lunch with you Penelope"

I didn't answer, I didn't want to lie to him. He was already furious for me not being up front with him about Morgan, anything I would say could just make it worse.

"DID YOU?"

I jumped a little in my seat but this wasn't the first time Kevin had shouted at me. I looked up from my knee's timidly and pleaded with my eyes for him to stop. The silence dragged on and I knew this wasn't going to end until I answered.

"Yes"

Before the word had even left my lips I felt a sharp stinging across my face, our small kitchen flying by me in a blur and then I was on the ground. It was only when I looked up and saw Kevin standing over me, his expression truly terrifying, that I realised that he had hit me. Tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn't believe it, he had never raised a hand to me before. Fear rolled through me vicious and strong. I felt the heat of my self preservation instincts kick in and immediately brought my hands to my face to protect myself. My breath came in short gasps as he moved closer, my heart was beating so violently that the edges of my vision became blurred.

I yelped in terror as he bent over me, thinking that he was going to hit me again.

"You disgust me, look at you, how could anyone love this" waving his arm over me with contempt, with that he spun and left the apartment.

Those words hurt more than the blow to the face. I felt my control slipping and I knew I was going to break. What had just happened? Had I been dumped? Had the love of my life, the one I wanted to marry and have beautiful children with just walked out and left me. I suddenly found that I couldn't move from the floor.

So I stayed there.

The tears flowed freely but no sound came out. Fear saturated every fibre of my being. I was terrified of him coming back and also scared that he wouldn't at the same time. I just held my face and rock back and forth for what seemed like and endless amount of time.

When I became aware of my surroundings light was beginning to filter in through the blinds on the windows. Had I really stayed there all night? Sure enough when I checked my phone it was half seven in the morning. I was going to be late for work although I couldn't muster the appropriate panic at that possibility.

Trying to get the blood to flow back to my feet I plodded, unsteadily, to the bathroom to have a shower. I glanced in the mirror and an audible gasp escaped my lips. My left eye looked horrific. Livid purple bruising scored the edges of my eye socket and my whole eyelid was puffed and swollen. There was no way I could go into work like this. No amount of consealer would cover this up.

I practiced what I was going to say for a few minutes before dialling his number. I wanted to make sure that my voice didn't crack and that the tears remained hidden behind the words that I spoke. I knew he'd be in the office. He was always the first one in and the last to leave. The phone rang out a couple of times before his usual greeting travelled down the line to me.

"Hotch"

" Hello, Agent Hotchner, this is Penelope Garcia"

"Eh, hi Garcia, what can I do for you?"

"Well, unfortunately I'm not feeling very well today" CRAP! My voice broke, I took a deep breath to steady myself but it didn't work "I wont…. Eh…what I'm trying to say is I won't be coming in today"

Hotch was silent on the other end. I had rushed so quickly through my explanation that I wasn't sure if he had caught it or not.

Finally, after a long silence, he spoke.

"Is everything okay Garcia?"

To my surprise there was tenderness and concern in his voice. Even some form of comfort from Hotch seemed very appealing at that moment but I had to keep this to myself so I could figure out what the hell was going on.

"Yes sir, everything is fine" I internally cursed myself for not being able to make things sound as convincing as they did in my head.

"I'll be back in work tomorrow, have a good day sir" I added just to make it sound believable but instead it came out like an overly chirpy cheerleader.

GOD DAMMIT!

As soon as I hung up the phone concern for what Hotch thought of my excuse ebbed away. Still staring at myself in the mirror I felt the full weight of everything that had happened the previous day crashing down on me. It was clear that Kevin hadn't come home last night, our bed was still neatly made.

There was nothing I wanted more than to climb into it and stay there but I couldn't give up on us so easily. He would come back to me, I could feel it. What Kevin and I had was true love, he would apologise for hitting me and we could go back to the way we were. This would fix itself.

I knew Kevin wasn't working today and I knew that he would be over early to apologise and put all this silliness behind us so I wanted the apartment to be nice and for him to be happy when he walked into it.

I went about my cleaning in almost an overly happy stupor. I didn't see what I was doing, I didn't even think about it, I just did it. When I had finished I headed down to our dry cleaners, still wearing the dress I had worn to work the day before, to pick up Kevin's suits. The attendants eye's widened in surprise when he saw me and my new black eye.

I ignored the concerned looks he was giving me and handed in the ticket, I paid him and turned to leave with the clothes.

"Oh, excuse me, miss?"

Realising he was talking to me I turned back round to face him.

"Miss, when we were organising the suits for cleaning we found these in one of the pockets"

He handed me a bunch of, what looked like, business cards with a somewhat sympathetic look. I didn't answer, I just stared at him until he walked away from me.

I glanced blankly down at the cards in my hands not knowing what they contained that was so important it warranted keeping them. But something inside me told me that this wasn't the place to be searching through them.

When I got back to the apartment I hung Kevin's suits carefully in his wardrobe and sat on our bed to investigate the cards. They were probably new business connections that he had come across at the gym. As I read them a new fear began to saturate my already contaminated heart.

They were all the same card, from the same person, just with different times written on them by hand. And all of them had the same smell, the sweet aroma that had tainted the wonderful masculine smell of Kevin's suits was all over these cards, it was a woman's perfume.

Betrayal threatened to consume me. I tried to tell myself that they were probably from a business associate, probably another programmer, and that the times written on them were meetings.

Even though I told myself this my body moved without the authority of my mind and before I knew it I was out the door and in a cab on the way to the address printed on the cards.

The journey was a blur. People flew by me, all with non descript faces, going about their day. Content people, who had everything they wanted but still wanted more. All I wanted was him, after that, there was nothing. My life had become a monochromatic image with the only light being Kevin, everything else was dark and didn't matter. The small and good part of me that had become all of me when Kevin showed me the way left when he walked out the door. There was nothing left. I didn't know who I was, there was no purpose anymore.

I was jolted back into grim awareness by the taxi driver telling me that we had arrived. I looked out the window to see where we were.

We had stopped outside a very exclusive looking building. I had seen it from afar many times, it was one of those that dominated the skyline from all over the city. I asked the taxi driver to wait outside for me. I didn't want to stay here long, everything about the place made me uncomfortable. My panic was eased by the fact that the building could very easily be offices.

I rode the elevator to the top floor and prayed as the doors opened that I would be greeted by a receptionist behind a desk.

But I wasn't.

I was in a hallway, like in the foyer of my apartment block but much grander, surrounded by doors.

I timidly knocked on the door dictated on the card and waited. My blood was rushing through my ears and tears of anxiety threatened to spill from my eyes. My worst fear answered the door.

Kevin stood in a bath robe in front of me. His eye's widened momentarily in shock when he saw me first but he quickly smoothed it over into a smug mask of condemnation.

"Well, I suppose you had to find out eventually"

I didn't answer, I couldn't speak. My eyes couldn't process what they were seeing so how could my mouth make sense of it?.

"I mean, really, what did you expect? I told you what you are last night, did you seriously expect me to come back? You STILL disgust me, nothing has changed in the past twelve hours, you'll never be Samantha, I'm having my stuff picked up tomorrow"

I stood there, frozen to the spot, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to cry. Then from inside the apartment I heard a melodious voice filter out to me.

"Kev, who is it babe?"

A face appeared on his shoulder and I took in my replacement. As I raised my eyes to meet hers shock dominated her features. I wasn't surprised, she was exceptionally pretty and I supposed Kevin deserved nothing less.

"Its no-one, gorgeous"

And he made to close the door in my face. As I looked up to steal one final glance of the man I loved I couldn't help but look at Samantha. He was right, I would never be her. Most of the female population would never be her. She was stunning in every way. But as Kevin closed the door on me and our life together, I thought I saw realisation dawn in her eyes as she looked at my blackened one, followed by a glimmer of fear.

I didn't register anything on the way home. For all I knew one minute I was stood facing a closed door and the next I was at home. I made my way to our bed and climbed in. Holding his pillow to my face I rocked myself. His scent lingered to the fabric reminding me of the things I had lost and all the things I would never have. I was broken, I was nothing.

Oblivion seemed so sweet.

**A/N Well! Did anyone see the slap comin? I didn't and I'm writing it! When it was done I looked back and thought 'Holy shit, Kevin is a complete bastard' but hey ho! Thanks again to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I appreciate them all and its nice to know what you think of the story so far. There maybe a longer wait for the next update as I have essays due in for college soon. Although, saying that, I might be feeling a bout of 'Epic procrastination' coming on so ya never know! Read, enjoy and let me know what ya think! **

**Treebs**

**X X X X X X X X X X X **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Boring boring boring I own nothing boring boring boring now - GOODIES! **

**Hotch POV**

Since I'd hung up the phone from Garcia this morning I couldn't force our conversation from my mind. Something just didn't seem right with her. The meek tone and stuttering voice, it just wasn't her. Even the "New" Garcia was proficient in everything she did. Something didn't add up.

But I couldn't jump to conclusions. I was the team leader How could I demand respect from my colleagues when I didn't respect them enough to give them their own privacy? Plus, if I went shooting my mouth about something being wrong with Garcia there would be no containing Morgan.

It was so difficult to know what to do. On the one hand I feared for her, it was clear to anyone with any profiling skill what kind of relationship she was, one that was quickly going to degenerate, and on the other I didn't know if this was just another part of the "new" Garcia.

Everyone had noticed the change in her. She seemed…less alive than she had before. Garcia had always rejoiced in living, the smallest thing would amaze her. I couldn't always show it to her but I cared for her like I would my own family.

I knew when to trust my gut and know that something wasn't right. A phone call enquiring after her health wouldn't hurt anyone.

I must have already decided in my mind because I looked down to see my cell staring innocently at me from my palm.

I rang the number twice and still there was no answer.

Garcia ALWAYS answered calls from me, no matter how sick she said she was.

I knew then for certain something was seriously wrong.

**Garcia POV**

Sleep offered me no refuge.

My dreams were filled with him, his face, his hurtful words, over and over again.

I would sporadically wake in cold sweats only to realise that it was more painful out there, in reality. Where the cold darkness seemed so threatening and grief's icy grip threatened to consume me.

I heard and saw nothing outside my own thoughts. There was nothing but this room. There was nothing but this bed…..our bed. My imagination swirled with images of him running through the door and giving me another chance. The pain of realization was crushing each time I remember what he had said.

I would stay here until he came back.

I would stay here until I mattered.

Whatever remained of me afterward I didn't care.

**Hotch POV **

Before the ringing had finally faded from my third call to Garcia I was already in the car. As I drove I ran through various scenarios in my head. I knew I was being stupid. I always said to the team "Never go into a situation you're unfamiliar with alone". But this wasn't work, this was personal.

Most of my thoughts revolved around Kevin holding her there, snivelling little shit that he was. I hadn't brought my side-arm, just to be safe.

As I pulled up outside her building I looked up to the level their apartment was. All the curtains were drawn, never a good sign.

I took a deep breath to steady myself before stepping out of the car. I didn't want to go in there with a hot head. After all, I was her boss and to her this had to seem like a professional visit.

I ran over excuses about why I was there in my mind as I rode the painfully slow elevator to her floor. My god, twenty first century technology and this thing can't go faster than a fucking snail, I should have just taken the stairs.

Finally, the doors squealed open and in front of me stood Garcia's door.

I didn't wait to re-think why I was here and if it was the right decision to have made. I raised my fist and rapped on the door (perhaps overly aggressively).

Nothing

I waited, I didn't want to seem rude it was her home after all.

I knocked again this times listening to hear any movement inside the apartment.

Still nothing.

Now the panic really began to take hold. I knew she was in there, maybe she couldn't get to the door.

My polite little taps had turned into a constant stream of desperate thumps. I was getting in one way or another.

After about two minutes I was seriously contemplating taking the door down when, from inside the apartment, I heard frantic little footsteps racing toward me. That had to be Garcia.

A feeling of dread filled me. Maybe she was just pulling a sicky to spend time with Kevin and I had interrupted…something.

Realising I had no logical reason to be there I could feel the embarrassment beginning to show on my cheeks. I could hear Garcia fumbling with the chains of the door and mumbling things to herself.

Still grasping for any form of convincing excuse the door in front of me swung open with force with Garcia's form dimly silhouetted in the doorway.

"Kevin?"

It was probably one of the most desperate sounds I had ever heard.

"No Penelope, its me, Hotch"

Even though I couldn't yet see her face, the form of her shoulders slumped. I knew then what had happened. Kevin had left her and she would just sit, in the dark, until he came home.

She still hadn't responded to me being there. It was like she was just frozen in place.

"Garcia, do you mind if I come in?"

Still no response. What the hell had happened? She was just stood there, unmoving.

Taking her by the shoulders I gently guided her back into the apartment. The place smelled musty and full of sleep. I knew from experience that this was the worst kind of sickness. It was grief.

With one hand firmly on Garcia's shoulder I searched for a light switch. Finally I found purchase and was able to navigate our way better.

I sat Garcia down at the kitchen table and wanted to examine her face, make sure she wasn't feverish or anything.

And then I saw it.

The left side of her face was blackened.

I moved my thumb along the livid bruising, down the side of her eye socket to her cheek bone. I needed to be sure nothing was broken. I couldn't feel anything but then again, I wasn't pressing harder than a baby's breath. She'd been through so much the last thing I wanted to do was cause her more pain. She didn't even flinch, in fact, she didn't react at all. I could feel my self-control and clarity slipping away.

"Penelope, would you excuse me for two minutes" I prayed that she would answer me, but nothing. She was just a shell. With that small thought I saw red. It was all I could do to step out the door without punching through a wall.

In the hallway I tried to take deep breaths to steady myself but my calm would not return to me. He'd put his hands on her, he'd hurt her and I'd done nothing to prevent it. Lynch had managed to turn someone who was such a light and warm breath of fresh air into a shadow. He had manipulated her into thinking that she was nothing, the most unbelievable part of it was that she had believed it! How could Garcia ever be nothing?

I managed to channel all the self loathing I felt for myself at not being able to prevent this and directed it into pure unadulterated hatred toward Lynch. If I had to use every single connection that I had, he would pay thrice in kind for what he had done to her.

I was a big enough man to know when I needed some help. Morgan's image immediately flashed in my mind but I knew I couldn't, if he saw Penelope like this he could quite literally kill Lynch. Reed would be completely uncomfortable in this kind of situation which left J.J and Prentiss. I dialled J.J's number hoping that she'd answer as quickly as possible. I didn't want to leave Garcia alone for too long.

"Hotch?"

"Hi J.J, look, I need you and Prentiss to come over to Garcia's apartment."

There was a worried silence down the line

"Why, what's happened?"

I really didn't want to have to tell her this over the phone. She was one Garcia's best friends, she wouldn't be able to drive.

"Lynch is gone" I quite literally spat his name "She's in a rough state"

"We'll be there in fifteen minutes"

She didn't wait for me to respond, the line just went dead.

I hurried back into the apartment to be with Garcia. She hadn't moved an inch. I was beginning to wonder whether she needed medical attention. She seemed to be almost catatonic.

Occasionally she would look at the door as if expecting Lynch to waltz in. I had seen enough bruised and battered women to know that she would take him back and probably say that she had deserved the beating. She needed watching, constantly. He could come back! The possibility of having Lynch alone with me in this apartment at this moment was dangerous, and tempting! I realised that the most important person in this room was Garcia, not me and my need to mutilate Lynch. It would come, in time.

I got down on my knees in front of her and took her hands in mine. She was like ice. I tried to warm them in mine but it was clear that my own were just as cold, I felt like I had no warmth in my veins.

It was then that I got my first proper look at her. The bruises dominated her features they were deep and long lasting. It took some force to leave that kind of mark. That fucker put all his strength into it. Her clothes were dirty and smelled like they had been worn for a few days. Her hair was matted and greasy. Checking her over for any other signs of abuse I scanned her legs and saw that the bottom of her feet were filthy, like she'd been walking around the city with no shoes on. Her hands were red raw, I looked around the apartment and it was cleaner than most hospitals I'd been in and there was an thick odour of bleach, she'd given herself chemical burn from cleaning products. She was deathly pale and the whites of her eyes were a little dim.

Her hands seemed so small under mine. Strangely I felt a lump rise in my throat. Garcia was the kind of person that you would want to take care of. Her view of the world was almost innocent at times, even though horrific images dominated her computer monitors everyday she refused to let it change who she was and how she saw people. I loved that about her. It was difficult in my line of work not to instantly profile and judge people. Garcia would treat everyone the same, whether they were a king or the homeless on the street. She was just a kind hearted, giving person and he had done this to her. And I could offer her nothing but words that would seem empty to her, but at least she would know on some level that she wasn't alone, she would never be alone!

"Penelope, its Aaron. Everything's going to be okay, we're here for you, you're going to be alright, you can pull through this. You're stronger than he is"

I kept repeating those lines over and over again hoping to see some flicker of reaction. But still there was nothing.

A sharp and urgent knock interrupted my whispered prayer to her and suddenly I was knocked aside.

"Kevin, Kevin?" Garcia's voice was almost pleading.

She was at the door trying to open the locks. I rubbed my hands over my face, completely overwhelmed by her heartbreak.

I walked over to her and placed my hand on hers still working furiously on the lock.

"Penelope, its not him, its J.J and Prentiss."

There was no noise from the other side of the door and no repeated knock. The could obviously hear everything I was saying to her and knew that If they knocked it would set her off again.

As soon as my hand made contact with hers she froze and again she was still. I once again placed my hands on her shoulders and led her back to her seat at the table. She went back to how she was, nothing had happened for her, she just sat there, waiting for the next time he would knock.

I went and opened the door as silently as I could and from the dimly lit hallway all I could see was J.J's tear filled eyes having heard our one sided exchange.

No words needed to be said in that moment I knew that both of them felt the same pain for her that I did. I led them in all of us terrified to make a sound.

Garcia sat where I had left her worryingly still. I heard both Emily and J.J gasp when they saw her face.

J.J lifted her hands to her face trying to silence her sobs while Prentiss had an arm round her, eye's wide and venomous.

"Where is he?" her voice sharp enough to pierce a mans heart.

"I don't know Emily, she hasn't told me anything, she's been like this since I got here"

J.J put her arms around Garcia and started to rock her. Garcia just lay there, limp in her arms neither knowing or caring what was happening to her.

"Pen, its me, we're here and we've got you. We've got you now, you're safe"

I don't know whether she was saying those words for Garcia benefit or for her own but it brought about a fresh round of sobs from J.J.

I turned my attention to Prentiss, she seemed to be holding it together better.

But before I could open my mouth she took the words right out of them.

"I'll take her to the bathroom and freshen her up a bit, you never know, she might snap out of it. Will you try and find her something to wear"

"Sure"

A bit shocked, I was unsure how I felt about Prentiss giving me orders. We were a team at the end of the day, they probably knew what I was thinking before I did. But, again, this wasn't work, it was personal, it was family.

Prentiss led Garcia and a still sobbing J.J to the bathroom and shut the door. I wasn't too fond about having to root through Garcia's belongings.

I found her bedroom and flicked the light switch. If anyone knew Garcia they would know that this wasn't her bedroom. It was a dull neutral colour. A tiny voice in the back of my head said 'That's the colour of your whole house, Aaron' But this was Garcia! She'd had her hair every colour under the Sun, She'd worn outfits so bright that you honestly had to squint to see her face and she didn't own one single writing instrument without some form of misshaped fluffy animal on it. She had changed everything for him!

After peeking through a couple of her drawers I finally found her Pyjama closet and pulled out a set. It was near impossible to tell without pulling things out to look at, everything in her drawers was black and far too large for a woman of Garcia's size, everything!

Eager to leave this room behind me I went to the bathroom door and passed the clothes into J.J and Prentiss. From outside the door I could hear them shushing and soothing her. Perhaps this is what she needed, to have her girlfriends around her. The bonds between women are endless and unfathomable, especially for men. When a friend hurt it will ignite either a fierce protectiveness in those closest to her which makes them want to quash the source of the pain or they will show an empathic reaction where the friend will feel and experience the hurt along with her.

Lost in my own thoughts I didn't hear the door of the bathroom opening. Prentiss cam first leading Penelope by the hand and J.J followed appearing to be quite weepy still. It was easy to see who had adopted what role in this scenario. Most importantly Garcia looked a lot fresher, there was a bit of colour back in her cheeks, but she was just as listless as ever. Hospital was now firmly the next step in my mind. It wasn't that we couldn't help her, we just didn't know how.

Over the next hour we tried talking to her about old times to try to jog her memory. Pretty sure that she hadn't eaten all day we ordered in a pizza. As a last resort we tried to talk to her about Kevin. It got a reaction from her, but one that would only break your heart in your chest. As soon as we uttered Kevin's name her steady, lethargic breathing became quick and gasping with small whimpers escaping her. It was tragic to watch but I couldn't help the relief that washed over me. She could hear us! It was just getting through to her that mattered now.

"J.J, you know her the best out of us here, is there nothing that you can think of that would be special between the two of you?" I couldn't help my tone from being slightly sharp, I just wanted her to be well.

"Hotch, I've tried everything I can think of and you know I'm not the one who knows her best out of all of us"

I knew who she was thinking of, I just didn't know if it was the best thing to do for either of them. This would destroy him but if it helped her I couldn't help but think that we had to give it a try. It was Prentiss who made the decision for me.

"Hotch, you have to call him"

I nodded in response, still unsure, but knowing it was the only thing we try next.

I excused myself from the room stealing one last glance at Garcia just hoping that this was the best thing for her.

When alone in the hallway I called the person I hoped, I prayed could solve this.

I called Morgan.

**A/N: Sorry this is a bit late but as you can probably tell its quite a bit longer than I had planned. I'll have y'all know that this is longer than my essays for college! Lol **

**I wanted to show a bit more of Hotch in this chap and I'd love to know what ya think of that spin on it! **

**AAAAAnnndd! Morgans in the picture. Eeeeeekkkk! **

**Thanks for reading, please review and I REALLY hope you enjoy. **

**Much loves **

**Treebs! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own none of these beauties ****J **

**Morning Sun **

**Morgan POV **

All day I'd been tense. Penelope hadn't come in and that just wasn't like her. No matter what crap she had going on at home she lived for the job, she knew how important our work was, and we could have had a case today.

'What a load of crap! You just wanted to see her'. The little voice in the back of my head was becoming louder and louder. Ever since I had made the decision to help her and not allow myself to be pushed away it just wouldn't shut up!

Everything was Garcia. Each tiny, minute thing that happened throughout the day I wanted to share with her. Decisions that I made I wanted her opinion on them, stupid office gossip: I wanted to discuss it with her, I change my brand of peanut butter: I wanted to tell her if it was nutty or fuckin smooth and I couldn't. But more than anything I needed her to want share the same with me. I wanted her to need me again. It killed me that since she had pushed me away the loss of our closeness hadn't affected her.

Maybe our friendship just hadn't meant as much to her, or maybe she never knew how much it meant to me. When we'd finish a case the first person I would want to see when I came home was her. She made me believe that there was still good in the world. Her smile made me breathless, her laugh warmed my heart and he voice put colour and light back in the world. I needed her.

I threw myself into my sofa, Clooney hopped up and nuzzled into my side. without Garcia he was the only thing that was constant in my life. He loved me unconditionally, no matter how many times I left him for work or how tired I was when I came home, he was always there with wagging tail. 'Who does that remind you of, Derek?' I had to giggle at the similarities with my relationship to Garcia, apart from the wagging tail.

Settling myself in for the night I hunkered down into my chair when I felt my cell vibrating in my pocket. Looking at the screen I saw Hotch's name flashing.

I mentally rolled my eyes, praying that we didn't have a case. With everything that with going on and with the plans I had to help Garcia I just didn't think I could take it.

The small part of me ruled by self preservation told me not to answer the call but before the thought had even entered my head I knew that I would take the call.

With a heavy heart I pressed the "accept" button.

"Morgan"

"Morgan, its Hotch"

There was a long pause and I waited patiently for him to continue. He seemed hesitant to continue which I had to admit had me slightly worried, when it was the job Hotch never pussyfooted around.

"Derek, I need you to come to Garcia apartment"

"Why? Do you need me to drop something over to her or what?"

"Actually no, we're already here; we just need you to…help out"

My heart plummeted, a hard knot formed in the pit of my stomach and bile flooded my mouth. Something was wrong, why was Hotch there? God, just let her be okay.

Not her, anyone but her!

I had already moved from the couch and had my car keys firmly in my hand.

"What's going on Hotch?" the quiver in my voice was definitely audible but I didn't care.

Hotch had said "We", that had to mean that J.J and Emily were already there, apart from me they were the ones that she was closest to. My mind was in overdrive, I needed to know what was going on before I concocted even worse possibilities in my mind.

"I think its best if you just come over and see for yourself"

Pissed off with Hotch I kept my reply short and sweet as the comforting low thud of the door sealed me in.

"I'm already in the car"

"Morgan?"

"Yeah, Hotch"

"Don't knock"

**Hotch POV**

As the line went dead I internally kicked myself. Morgan was pissed and it was my fault. I probably should have given him more to go on but just one small piece of this story would be enough to send him over the edge.

I put my cell back in my pocket as I re-entered the apartment. As I looked at Garcia, still sat in the same spot as when I left her, I had to wonder what we would do if there was nothing that we could do to help her. Would we have to institutionalize her? Group work and therapy had previously demonstrated very positive results with women like Garcia. But in order for it to work there had to be communication to provide the basis on which the foundations of trust could be built.

Two pairs of inquisitive eyes met mine as I sat down at the table.

"He's on his way"

Emily drew in a sharp breath as if to steady herself. There was nothing that we could do now but wait, I could tell that none of us expected to be returning home tonight so both me and J.J made calls to make sure our children were taken care of.

We all sat in wait, none of us breaking the silence. There was fear emanating from the three of us. After all, none of us knew what kind of affect that this was going to have on our friends and on the internal dynamics of the team.

I felt my eyes widen slightly as I heard the door knob begin to turn in place.

**Derek POV **

Every nerve in my body was on high alert. Not knowing what waited for me on the other side of this door meant that fear was threatening to control my actions.

I opened the door and observed the scene in front of me. Nothing appeared to overtly out of the ordinary apart from the fact that the majority of the team were sitting in Garcia's small kitchen.

But just as the fear began to creep away from my own heart I suddenly began to notice it in the eyes of the other members of my team. Hotch was staring at me intently as if waiting for some kind of outburst, J.J never left Garcia's side and Emily looked…..hyper vigilant, there was no other word for it.

The panic crept back and I surveyed the scene more closely, specifically Garcia.

I walked around the table to where she was sat and got down on my haunches in front of her. She hadn't acknowledged my presence in fact, she hadn't moved at all.

I extended my arm out slowly to her face and cupped my palm underneath her chin.

"Baby girl, its Morgan"

I gently lifted her face towards the light to make her give me eye contact.

My heartbeat accelerated, my breath came in short and furious gasps, sweat pooled on my forehead as I saw the damaged on my girls beautiful milky skin.

Her eyes met mine for a fraction of a second and I could have sworn I saw a flicker of recognition in her chestnut depths.

I had to fight to keep my expression cool and collected to try and show her a friendly face in this dark space she was in, but the little light I had seen in her eyes was now gone, replaced by the blank slate that had been sitting here when I walked in.

My breathing was now coming so hard that I was more or less snorting through my nostrils, I didn't care. Every muscle in my body was tense and ready to damage someone. I turned my attention to Hotch. I was pissed, by the looks of it they had been there a while, there was pizza on the sideboard and he'd called J.J and Prentiss. I should have been the first one he had called. But he and I would have a chat about that later. For now, the only thing on my mind at that moment was getting my hands on Lynch. He would know pain. He underestimated the collective strength of this team, the connections we had made and the raw determination of every single member. I would destroy him. There would be no pieces left for him to reassemble a life, he would be shattered. Rage and hatred rushed through my veins boiling my blood as it travelled.

"Where is he?"

"We don't know, we haven't been able to get a word out of her since we got here"

"So he could come back yet"

"It's possible, but the thing is Morgan, is that she wants him to come back, that's why I asked you not to knock, she thinks that every person that comes to the door is him"

My stomach roiled and I felt bile gush into my mouth. I wanted him to come back just so I could wrap my fingers around his throat and choke the miserable life out of him. He didn't deserve breath. But if he did come back, she wouldn't let us near him. She would welcome him back with open arms. I could only hope that, for now, he didn't dare darken her doorway. Bad things were coming to Lynch, he wouldn't even see them coming.

I took a couple more deep breaths and forced calm to saturate my body. I took out my phone and quickly took a few photos of the bruises on her face to document the event. Hotch had told me that he didn't feel any broken bones but I had to check for myself.

I resumed my position in front of her and gently swept my fingers along her cheekbone. As I tried to feel for anything out of the ordinary I scoured her face for any recognition of pain. I was so intent on my examination that it was only when the light moisture of a single tear met my hand that I realised that Garcia was looking at me. More importantly she was looking and actually seeing me. I didn't speak to her. I wanted her to acknowledge me verbally; I needed to hear her voice.

Then the smallest, weakest whisper emanated from the woman in front of me offering only one word.

"Derek"

That was enough. I thought my heart was going to explode. That one utterance of my name reverberated through my body and touched the very core of me. She knew me, she needed me and she would have everything I could give her.

In a fraction of a second I moved forward and wrapped my arms around her in an embrace that tried to convey the depth of emotion that I couldn't put into words yet.

I felt her arms meekly wrap around my back as she sobbed into my chest and a feeling of warmth and content spread through me as I realised that if she could cry about it, she would heal. Tears were the healing balm of nature. My mother always told me not to be ashamed to shed them, fore, as they fell your hurt and pain flowed with them.

J.J, Prentiss and Hotch were staring at the two of us in complete and utter shock. I didn't know what they had tried before I had got here but there was a wonderful aroma of lavender from Penelope's skin so I knew that the girls had tried to sooth her.

As gently as I could I placed my arm behind her knees and lifted her into my arms. It was only then that I realised how much weight she had actually lost with no protest from Garcia I carried her into her bedroom and rested her softly on the mattress. Her whimpering sobs filled the bedroom as we watched on, helplessly.

The only thing I knew for certain was that there was no way in hell that she could be left alone. I sat up on the bed beside her not planning on moving until she did.

It was 3 o clock in the morning and signs of fatigue were beginning to show on all of our faces.

"Why don't you guys head home and get some sleep"

Three shaking heads were the reply to my suggestion.

"There's nothing you can do here, I don't think they'll be any change by morning, she's exhausted, and even if there is, I'm not going anywhere"

Through bloodshot eyes they could all see my point and reluctantly they agreed to go home.

The girls were the first to head off with Hotch lingering back until the last second.

"Morgan, I know that I might not have dealt with this situation properly but you have to understand that this was unknown territory for me as well"

I couldn't stay angry with him, he had done what he had thought was best for her and I couldn't fault him for that, after all, she was all that mattered right now.

"Don't worry bout it Hotch, seriously, I'm just glad you came and were here for her" silence hung in the air and I rejoiced in it. Penelope's whimpers had quieted and her breathing had become heavy. I just hoped her rest was deep and dreamless. It was Hotch that finally broke the silence.

"Before I come here tomorrow I'll inform Rossi and Reed"

"Yeah, that's a good idea; would you mind also going to my apartment and picking me up my go-bag? It's just inside the door"

"Of course, no doubt I won't be the only visitor tomorrow" He smiled wryly; we both knew that this small apartment was going to be a hub of activity come tomorrow.

"I'll also go to the store before I come over, there's absolutely nothing in the cupboards"

My brow furrowed in anger but I fought it off. In time, he would get his. I took my house key off my car keys and handed it to him.

"Shop for seven"

Smiling he nodded his head and headed home to his son.

I slid down the bed facing Garcia and wrapped my arm around her. I didn't pull her close like I wanted to; I just wanted her to know that I was here, that she was safe.

I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep to come to me but my brain was in overdrive and wouldn't settle.

So instead, with dawn sunlight softly illuminating the bedroom drapes, I watched over Penelope's sleeping form, memorizing her, immortalizing her within my memory, visualizing the time when she would be better, when she would be whole again. Then, finally, so would I.

**A/N: Sorry for the HA-UGE gap between updates RL has been a real bitch lately. After everything going on I had difficulty writing this chapter and to be honest I had trouble putting into words how Derek would feel (writers block) and I really hope it doesn't show in the chapter but I promise that I'm already working on the next update. I'm blabbing again aren't I?**

**I hope you enjoy it and please review.**

**Treebz**

**X x x x**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi y'all I've just re-posted this chapter because one of my lovely readers alerted me to the fact that there was a spelling error. Big thank you to a Ms Kassandra for her comment. All of my work is un-Beta'd so even though I check them thoroughly stuff falls through the cracks so please let me know when it does. **

**Disclaimer: Again, I don't own anything**

**Chapter six **

**Dawn**

**Derek POV**

I hadn't allowed my eyelids to falter once for just after dawn Garcia's sleep had become fitful and restless. Whenever her eyes fluttered open mine were always there to reassure her and my hand was perched, ready to either sweep tears from her cheek or the cold sweat from her brow. I was there, and always would be.

With Garcia safe and resting beside me I had been able to think of a few possible solutions to the 'Lynch' problem. After I had indulged myself in the basic possibilities, beating him to a pulp, breaking his legs, I started contemplating scenarios that would last much longer involving circumstances that he would never recover from. But this plan was problematic as it revolved around the manipulation of information that I didn't even know existed. I would need help with it and the best person for that job was laying beside me hoping that Lynch would come back. It was a mess, every idea I came up with I would go full circle resorting back to torturing the mother fucker.

Quite desperate to pee but not wanted to leave her side I could only hope that Hotch and the others arrived soon. I didn't want to wake her, she'd had little enough sleep as it was. Half an hour later when it was approaching eleven am I heard the door knob turn gently. Shit, it was locked. Careful not to jostle her I got up from the bed and went to get the door.

I opened it to three eager and two panic stricken faces. Hotch had obviously told Reid and Rossi not long ago as the shock was still fresh in their eyes.

"Hi guys, come on in, she still sleeping"

Four of them tiptoed into the apartment each clutching plastic grocery bags while Hotch waited in the hallway with six more scattered around his feet.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed in shock.

"I know, I kinda went overboard"

I had to smile, Hotch stood looking sheepishly down at the shopping strewn around him. I scooped up four of the bags and brought them inside.

The others were already stacking away the groceries and I noticed that there was no 'low fat' anything in Hotch's vocabulary. I was actually surprised that he knew Penelope so well, he had all her favourite flavours in ice-cream and potato chips and enough meals to feed everyone for two weeks or more.

"Hotch, did you get the cheese cake that I asked for?"

"No, Dave said that he would make one from fresh for everyone" At this Rossi adopted an expression of mock humility expecting Reid to be grateful.

"Thanks…..Rossi" Reid added hesitantly but then added under his breath "I would have preferred the other one though"

I had to stifle laughter. If only I could capture this moment, it was times like these when faced with great difficulty and strife that we realized our true strength as a family.

"J.J would you mind going in and sitting with Garcia" She looked at me confused, after all this was a grown woman. I ran my hand over my head slightly embarrassed "Eh, she hasn't been alone since you guys left yesterday"

"Yeah, sure thing, You should really think of getting some sleep though, you look like crap"

I chuckled as she went past me into Penelope's bedroom.

I noticed a lot of kids food going into the cupboards.

A bit confused I smiled and asked

"Is all that kiddie kibble for Reid?"

Reid, who was sat chewing on some kind of potato chip and was still pouting a little bit at the loss of his beloved cheesecake, deepened the furrow in his brow slightly and pretended to not have heard what I said.

It was Emily who answered my question

"Well, Hotch and J.J were thinking that, depending the amount of time we're needed here, that they'd bring the kids here at some point"

I had to admit I was a bit shocked I mean we had all met Henry but Hotch was quite protective of Jack and fought to keep his personal and professional life separate. After seeing the shock on my face I reiterated my thoughts to Hotch and was again surprised when he looked hurt when I had finished.

"This…..is personal, Derek"

I nodded in response a little bit stunned and wondered about how often we had all underestimated the depth of feeling he harboured for us as people rather that just the professional bonds between co-workers.

"Do you think that bringing the kids here is a good idea, especially Henry, I mean that's his Godmother and she's not in the best place right now"

Hotch shook his head "Not now, obviously, but when she shows improvement I think the benefits of seeing her Godchild will outweigh the risks"

Before Hotch had finished his sentence I heard the sound of sluggish footsteps emerging from the bedroom. Everyone's eyes flitted toward the door to see which Garcia we would be presented with today.

**Garcia POV**

I felt groggy, like I hadn't slept in days but had had too much at the same time. I tried to piece together the events of the past few days and kept coming up blank.

I knew that Kevin had left me and that I was alone. Before that had seemed so consuming, I had become a zombie like mess hovering above myself just waiting for him to come back.

The last thing I remembered clearly was laying on our bed, waiting for him. I could vaguely visualize Hotch's face along with J.J and Emily's but there was one face that stood out among the rest. I had felt him lift my face and examine my tarnished skin, I had also felt the rush of emotions he had experienced and the cool sting of shame that pierced my own heart.

As he knelt beside me I could feel my façade beginning to fracture, like desert sands cracking for relief from water deprivation. As he swept his hand along my face he left a trail of warmth that spread through me and seemed to touch my soul.

I turned my eyes to see his face and the depth of concern I saw in his features broke my heart yet again. His eyes seemed tortured as his fingers traced around the edges of the dark mark that dominated my face. The expression he was wearing was not something that could be feigned, I could tell that concern punctuated every move his body made. I knew in that moment that he was friend. Utterance of his name was the only thanks I could give for the safety and love projecting from him in waves.

Could Kevin have been wrong? Could these people actually care for me? I wanted to badly to believe it, to know that I wasn't alone, but my heart was still miles away in the penthouse of a posh building being betrayed by the only man who had ever loved me. The previous day flooded back to me and I could remember being surrounded, but not in a threatening way, all I could see around me were expressions laced with concern and quite sobs that were not my own but from someone who never left my side.

As I eased my self into a sitting position in the bed I became aware of a weight at my feet. I looked up and J.J was hesitantly smiling at me . I returned her smile meekly, unsure if I was ready to form words yet but even so, relief washed over her face. For some strange reason I felt that if I broke my silence, if I allowed my mouth to form the words I feared so much and my lungs fill with air to feed them it would be true. Only then would I become abandoned, only then would it become real.

"Are you ready to get up and have something to eat" when I looked unsure she hesitated to continue, I could hear the voices filtering in from the other room.

"Or we can stay in here for a while, just hang out together?"

The prospect of facing Hotch and Emily was daunting but I knew they had been there for me and at the end of the day Morgan was out there. The one person throughout all of this made me feel safe. So I shook my head.

"You wanna go and eat?"

I nodded in response. J.J seemed disproportionately excited by my answer. I mean I still had use of my legs, I could walk.

Could I walk? How long had I been asleep or rigid in one position. I eased out of the bed slowly and put weight on my feet. I was aware of a dull throbbing along my cheek bone but after everything that was to be expected. I was definitely stiff and my legs didn't want to do what my brain was telling them to do but nothing too bad. I was steadier on my feet when I felt J.J hand cup underneath my elbow and her hand come to rest, reassuringly, on my back.

I felt my heart rate increase slightly as we made our way into the kitchen. I knew at this point that they had already seen me but still whatever reaction they had was still new to me and I knew that their eyes would be raking me for signs of my previous insanity.

After the dim, curtain clad bedroom stepping into the blinding light of the kitchen was momentarily dazzling. But when my eyes finally focused and could take in the scene before me I was stunned.

My small kitchen was a hub of activity and the full team was squished into it. Five pairs of eyes searched my face but very quickly three of them went back to what they were doing. It was only Reid and Rossi who couldn't contain their shock.

Rossi showed his Italian roots and planted two warm kisses on my cheeks then pulling me into a tight embrace. Knowing David as I did it would have been a shock when I was fit and well but in the state I was in it was just too much. Not wanting to be rude I gently placed my hands on his chest and gave him a little nudge. He caught on immediately and released his hold on me but retained his gaze upon my face with wise, knowing eyes and a kind smile on his lips. He knew exactly what I was going through and I was happy I hadn't offended him.

Reid hadn't moved an inch since I came in the room. He just stood there staring at me eyes wide and mouth agape. He looked like he was either going to pass out or break down in tears.

"Reid"

It was Derek's voice that broke the silence

"Will you set the table for breakfast, please"

"ahhhh yeah s s sure"

At the mention of food Rossi removed himself from my side and began hovering around Derek in the kitchen and an epic struggle of 'too many chefs spoil the broth' ensued.

While this was going on J.J lead me to the kitchen table. Every poof, office chair and sturdy coffee table had be squeezed around it so everyone would have a seat.

I sat down opposite Hotch who was too immersed in the morning newspaper. Everything important within its pages he would already have known about the night before.

I sat back, relaxing slightly. I was hard not to, nobody seemed to care that I was an emotional wreck.

**Derek POV **

God, it was hard cooking eggs with your head nearly turned back on itself but I needed to keep her in my sights, for my own sanity's sake. Hotch was doing the best job of all of us in the 'acting naturally department'. Reid had washed the same plate three times and Rossi was flipping bacon on a grill that I didn't have the heart to say wasn't switched on. Emily was interrogating the toaster with a gaze so fierce it would crack the most hardened criminal and I was pretty sure that J.J had to have eaten through her finger nails at this point and was just chewing on bone. But Penelope hadn't noticed, that was the most important thing.

Without speaking or removing my eyes from the back of Penelope's head I reached across and flicked the electricity switch attached to Rossi's grill. He turned his head and looked at me with the most helpless expression. I knew exactly how he felt.

When everything was ready, finally, I dished out the food on Reid's super-clean plates and set it in front of everyone.

I really needed to get her a bigger table, we were all basically sat on top of each other. Reid's elbows were so buckled between me and Hotch that he was having trouble getting his knife and fork to make contact with his plate. But no one said a word. It was oddly comforting to be this close together around her, we were all there to protect her, I hope she knew that.

Penelope hadn't touched her food so neither had I. My stomach dropped when I noticed that there was a fear in her eyes. Her breathing was coming in short gasps and she was looking around her cramped space like she was trapped.

I reached across the table, accidentally putting my sleeve in Rossi's eggs, and took her by the hand.

"Baby girl, close your eyes and take a deep breath, we are all here for you, no one will hurt you"

My statement was punctuated by a chorus of nodding heads around me. To my astonishment she listened to me, closed her eyes and after a few moments her breathing calmed.

She picked up her fork and began picking at her eggs. Looking around the table I could tell everyone else was choking on theirs out of concern for her and an awkward silence descended. Hotch, somehow, still had the newspaper wedged on the table.

"thirteen across, eight letters, 'twice told'"

I nearly inhaled my bacon before quickly swallowing and howling with laughter, the rest following my lead. Who would have thought it would be Hotch, Mr Serious, that would break the ice.

Of course it was Reid who answered

"Reiterated"

Naturally he was right, I really envied that kid for his brains sometimes. We continued with the crossword until all of out plates were emptied, including Penelope's and coffee cups were scattered around the table's surface. Even though there was a perfectly good, and larger, sitting room we stayed playing around the cramped little dining table, just enjoying being together.

We were getting close to the end and the clues were getting harder.

"twenty three down, six letters beginning with D, 'Computer Language'"

All eyes turned to Reid and for once in his life his face was blank.

The table erupted with jeers and joking comments.

"Well Reid, so much for an eidetic memory" I joked, slapping him on the back.

"What? I don't read a lot of I.T manuals, give me a break"

He was trying to take it in good spirit but I could tell that it bother him not know. I chuckled internally and thought to myself 'welcome to the club kid, that's how the rest of us feel most of the time'

We were still laughing and joking when a small voice from the other side of table stopped the conversation dead in it's tracks.

"Delphi, the answer's Delphi"

My heart soared to hear her speak, she still looked completely unsure of herself but it was a start. It seemed that with her recovering her speech the rest of us had lost ours. But Hotch was completely un-phased.

"Okay, Delphi, only one more to go"

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update but the first chapter of my thesis was due in last week and it revolves around the experience of 9/11 so I wasn't really in the headspace for it. But I think this is a nice happy chapter, it lifted my spirits anyway. Thanks for reading and please review, it cheers me up! **

**Much loves **

**Treebz**

**X x x x x x x x x x x **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own none of these babies**

**Chapter seven **

**Jigsaw **

**Derek POV **

As my time with her passed all too quickly anyone could see that there was a gradual improvement as the days passed. Together we had made an environment for her that was safe and loving. But at the same time none of us felt confident enough to broach the subject of Lynch leaving just yet. She was still too fragile, still a shadow of whom she once was. But even so, all of us felt reinvigorated seeing her small improvements each day.

I was sat on the sofa with Garcia purposefully maintaining a comfortable distance. It had been two days since we had basically moved in with Penelope but we hadn't felt the need to touch the television remote once. We all knew that Garcia needed to remember the good times she'd had with us, and more importantly without Lynch. But she became weak very quickly, a few hours with us were all she could manage in one sitting before she would have to go and rest. What warmed my heart every time was the fact that when she went for a rest she always asked me to join her? I would just lie beside her, always watching.

J.J and Hotch were spending some time at home with their kids and Emily had gone to the office to pick up some stuff so we could at least keep on top of things from here. So it was just the four of us for now. Reid and Rossi were sat playing cards. I think Rossi was doing it just to have something to do with his hands; he had to know that he could never win against Reid.

Penelope's bruise was starting to turn slightly yellowish, a good sign, it would be gone soon enough. If only the emotional scars would fade so quickly. I stole a glance at her face. If I could I would gladly forfeit anything I had, any part of me that would make her feel whole again. I wished this could be like the movies where they would cut to a time lapsed video and you could see someone who was broken reassemble in front of you. But this wasn't the case, this was real life and nothing but time would be able to put my baby girl back together again. Little pieces were coming back gradually. Now and then I'd see the corners of her mouth threaten to turn upwards into a smile, I could now see the moments when the pain became too much and her brow would furrow slightly. Interestingly, more recently there had been a couple of times when I'd seen anger in her features. I figured it was just the stages of grief. I didn't care who she felt angry at as long as it wasn't herself. This couldn't last much longer sooner rather than later she was going to have to let out all the emotion bubbling inside of her, only then could we help her to heal.

**Garcia POV **

The days seemed to drag on forever. I had realised after that first day that the team was there to protect me, not as a valuable asset to the bureau but as friends but even still, the noise overwhelmed me sometimes it was an effort just to be in the same room with them so I'd go and lay down. I wished that I could be the person I had been, if only for them. But that could never be, I didn't know if the old Penelope was still in there. The grief came in waves, sometimes I wanted to gladly sink beneath its waves and just let it consume me. Maybe then it would be over. Maybe then my tortured heart would be free.

If truth be told I was only hanging on for him, the man sat next to me. The one person who's touch had ignited life inside my still and cold body. But he seemed so hesitant now and my thread was wearing away by the second. I felt selfish. With his hand upon my cheek I had experienced emotion, safety, I just needed that back. But here we sat, Derek out of arms reach and I was drowning. I couldn't explain the pain, the need for human contact or the attachment I had to him but in this dark place he was the only glimmer of light I had and that light was growing dim.

I longed to feel my feet on solid ground. Nobody in this room wanted to see the old Garcia again more then me. Back then I was able to stand up and say 'Hey, this is me!' but not anymore. I didn't feel like I could say anything. I had lost my voice.

As often happened I felt Derek's eyes burning into the side of my face. These brief glances let me know that he was concerned for me. But my tether to this world would become a steel bridge if he would just reach out and take my hand. His strength was what I needed, not his concern.

More and more I could feel anger bubbling inside me. I didn't even know who it was directed at but I knew it was there. I was glad that the others had gone; this place was already too crowded with just me and my thoughts. I was starting to believe that I needed to be alone again. Just to sort through what was in my head, so I could deal with, and fix, what had ruined my life and the plans I had for the rest of it.

I felt the tension growing in my neck and a frustrated blush on my cheeks. Reid and Rossi were babbling away to each other while Morgan remained silent. I don't think he'd said more then two words all day today. The more I thought about the whole situation the more angry I got. I knew it was irrational but I didn't care. This was our apartment and these guys were in it trying to tell me how to live my life.

I shuffled forward on the seat to get up. I noticed that my legs were so heavy all the time, every move was an effort. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Derek mimicking my actions. This pissed me off even more. I only wanted to go to the bathroom and I needed an escort.

I lifted my weight off the sofa, I saw Derek pause for a minute to see which direction I was going and relaxed back into position when he saw me head for the bathroom.

I shut the door behind me making sure to lock it and began to run myself a bath. Over the noise of plummeting water I could hear muted footsteps outside the door and fade again into the distance. This was getting ridiculous. He refused to give me the comfort I needed yet managed to completely invade my personal space at the same time.

I lower myself into the hot water letting the warmth soak through me. I didn't know what I wanted but I knew that I needed it now. Just something to get me through, something to hold on to. But there was nothing. I think I preferred it when I was borderline comatose. I didn't have to deal with me. I sucked at the moment. _'Who are you kidding Garcia, you always sucked, that's why he's gone'_

I felt my heart break all over again but I didn't have any tears left to cry. I just sat staring down and the abomination that had caused him to hate me so much. But I had looked worse than this when he met me, why hadn't he just hated me then and saved me all this pain?

Lost in my thoughts I must have drifted to sleep in them and was sharply woken by a rap at the door and then uncomfortable sensation of tepid water swilling around my legs.

"Baby girl, are you okay in there?"

Morgan, who else would it be. I was so messed up that I was happy to hear his voice but irritated with him at the same time. What was going on with me?

"I'm fine"

I may have replied a little too sharply as all I heard were his footsteps fading away from the door.

I heft myself out of the bath and wrapped myself in my towelling robe. My legs had turned slightly blue after the cold water of the bath but if I was being completely honest with myself I didn't really feel it.

I opened the bathroom door and crossed the landing to my bedroom feeling Derek's eyes on my face the entire way.

I didn't take my eyes off my feet until I heard the comforting click of the bedroom door closing behind me.

Pulling the blinds and curtains I crawled into bed once again finding comfort in the darkness around me. Hoping for the numbness, it was just too much.

**Derek POV **

I was caught in the middle of a serious internal dilemma. Every fibre of my being was telling me to go in there and comfort her but the profiler in me knew that she was irritated and probably just needing space.

God it was killing me though. I looked to Reid and for something to occupy my mind. He was staring back trying to analyse my expression. _'Good luck with that one kid' _

Rossi had left at about half ten while Garcia was still in the bathroom. Reid always seemed more hesitant to leave and he was always the first to arrive in the mornings. He constantly looked like he needed to say something but couldn't.

"Reid, what's goin on with you?"

A surprised expression crossed his face which then became shadowed by sadness. He took a moment, just looking down at his hands. I waited patiently for him to tell me what was going on. Reid wasn't as complex as he thought he was. His intelligence acted as a shield but it was just as vulnerable as the beautiful vibrancy that Garcia had once been. Expressing emotion was difficult for him, not that I was a weeping baby. For me, it all depended on telling the right person.

He looked back up to face me and I was surprised to see tears pooling in his eyes.

"She hasn't spoken to me yet, I don't know how to talk to her and I was the last one that was called"

Guilt washed over me in waves. The poor kid.

"Just because I'm not as close to Garcia as you are it doesn't mean that I don't care just as much." Tears now fell freely from his eyes each one just making me feel even worse. "She's the first one that I told about my Mom and her illness, the first one who fully understood why I am the way I am and yet you felt that I wouldn't care…..that I wouldn't understand this?"

Christ, how to begin explaining this.

"Reid, I wasn't the first to be told either"

Shock flitted across his face

"When I first got here Penelope was….. God she was just non responsive. We didn't want to overwhelm her, she'd already been through so much" It was a piss poor excuse and I knew that, a phone would have cost us fuck all. "I'm so sorry kid, really, I feel like an absolute bastard"

He smile slightly

"Good"

At that I started chuckling, stood up and pulled him into a hug. I had always thought of Reid like a little brother. Someone who needed protecting, someone who always needed my advice. But he wasn't a child and we had alienated him.

After we had hugged it out Reid got his stuff together and, with promises that he would be back first thing, left to get some sleep. I could do with some myself but had to wonder whether or not Garcia would need me tonight. Something was off with her, well more than could be expected. I'd just go in and check on her and if she was asleep all well and good.

Knocking on her door softly I opened it a crack. The light was still on inside the room so she was still awake.

When I opened the door fully I caught Penelope in the process of turning away from me in her bed. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, unsure of what I was supposed to do. She was so difficult to read like this, I didn't know what she wanted.

I couldn't stand not seeing her face, it was my only window into what was going on in her head, so I place my hand on her arm just so I could feel her there.

To my surprise she shrugged it off.

"Are you okay, baby girl?"

As soon as I said I knew how stupid it sounded. Of course she wasn't okay. No wonder women despaired at my gender sometimes.

She twisted her self to face me and I saw that her eyes were tortured and conflicted. I was immediately alert eager to sooth whatever was paining her.

"Derek, why are you avoiding me?"

That was the last thing I expected to fall from her mouth. My whole life revolved around her I couldn't avoid her even if I wanted to. It would be like trying to live without breathing, she was my oxygen.

"I…I….eh…I don't understand sweetheart"

Anger once again flitted across her face and I knew then all along it had been directed at me. I hated myself. Whatever I was doing that was annoying her it would stop immediately.

"B, b,before….all this happened we were really close"

"We still are baby girl, nothing has changed"

"It has Derek; neither of us can deny that everything is different now…..I'm different"

"You're still the same Penelope that I have known and always loved"

"Then why are you treating me differently?"

Silenced echoed around the room. I had no idea what to say to her. I'd been giving her personal space not wanting to overwhelm her but did she not know that my eyes and heart followed her wherever she went? I tried to think of words that would form an answer to satisfy her but there were none.

"Before, you'd hug me every day….hold my hand when we sat together…" Her breath caught in her throat "I need that back Derek…."

Tears began cascading down her cheeks; I reached out to her and pulled her to my side.

"…I need to know that a piece of me is still there, that what we had is stronger than me, that it can't be broken"

She was openly sobbing into my chest. Part of me was glad, it was the first time that she had properly broken down about what had happened.

"Listen to me Pen, nothing….NOTHING can ever break us. There is nothing you can do or say that can make me feel any differently about you, You can't chose you're family, baby girl, and you can't chose who you love"

I added, silently, in my head '_and my heart was lost to you a long time ago'_

**A/N: I actually thought I had already uploaded this chapter which is a pain in the bummage! So sorry about that! But anyhooooo this is just an interim chapter to set up some stuff for later on. Do enjoy and please review, it makes me feel all gooey inside!**

**Much Loves **

**Treebz **

**X x x x x x x x x **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing (unfortunately) **

**Chapter eight **

**Trojan **

**Derek POV**

After Penelope and I had out little heart to heart the whole mood of the place shifted. Everything became that little bit brighter and the positives were so much easier to see. When Hotch had arrived the next morning even he had noticed something different.

Two weeks after everything in my world had nearly imploded everyone had settled into a neat little rhythm. At first everyone had been uncomfortable with distance. Terrified that if they went home something terrible was going to happen. This had gradually faded for everyone else except me. The only comfort I could take was that it seemed to be the same for Garcia. Maybe that was why I was feeling this way. As long as she needed me here I couldn't leave her. Who was I kidding; I didn't want to be anywhere else except here, beside her, for the rest of my life.

Getting back into work was the most difficult. I had to go in for a few hours each day but we had managed to wrangle to as at least one of us was here with her. But still it was physical pain to be away from her. As soon as the door clicked shut behind me I was just counting the minutes until I could be back again.

I had the feeling that she didn't find it easy either, when I'd walk through her door at the end of the day relief would flash through her face.

For the most part my trips to the office were a waste of time. I'd go simply to get some paperwork to bring back with me or be updated on recruit training. I'd sit at my desk and try to look busy. Hotch knew not to send anything important my way. Our relief team was already away on a case and I knew that we were all just praying that another didn't come through the door.

The only reassuring thing was that Lynch wasn't upstairs. He must have known that if he had walked through the door I would have made sure that he would be leaving the building horizontally and preferably in a wooden box. He just hadn't come back into work. Good luck getting another job without a reference asshole!

I had to fight the temptation to put a detail on him. I would do it myself gladly but Garcia needed me more right now. As I sat behind my desk, twiddling my thumbs, I realised how empty this office was without her. Something had always drawn me to work. This was partly the reason why the only serious relationship I could sustain was with my dog. My family had always been at work. I felt as comfortable around them as I did with my own sisters.

I had never, however, looked at Penelope as a sister. Her effervescence penetrated me as soon as I laid eyes on her. Warmth started around my neck and the tingle continued until it consumed me. She was so shy and vulnerable looking. I just wanted to hold her then and there.

Our relationship became complicated when we became such good friends. This was the fear factor for me. Loving someone always brought with it the risk of loosing them and maybe a piece of yourself. With Garcia this risk was ten fold. I loved her in so many ways and wanted to love her in so many more but what if that love meant losing the friendship we had. The single man inside me told me that it could end at some point but the part of me that would always belong to Penelope knew that it would never come to that.

The point where I decided that I was willing to take the risk will forever be clear in my mind. She was in a hospital bed. She had left this world and come back. It was the biggest wake up call I had ever gotten.

Back in her apartment after the shooting I had told her that I loved her. The surprise on her face had shocked me. I wanted nothing more at that moment then to cross the room and kiss all her doubt away. Any part of her left chilled from the terror she had experienced would be heated with the passion that only a lovers mouth could give. That night, while sleeping on the couch, I could hear her gentle snores through the multicoloured beaded curtain and I wondered what her dreams were that night. I found myself unable to sleep knowing that she may have been haunted by fitful dreams and I knew in that moment that my destiny would be intrinsically tied to hers. Then she had met Lynch before I had a chance to tell her. It had nearly broken me. I had never experience jealousy until J.J had told me of Rossi barging into Penelope's apartment after she'd had sex with Lynch. For months I was tortured by visions of him on top of her, moving inside her, her moaning his name instead of mine. I had hated him from the beginning simply because he was her choice and I wasn't.

God, could this day go any slower?

**Garcia POV **

Derek was at work and the day was dragging unbearably. Rossi was playing babysitter today but I didn't mind. I had noticed that after my slightly embarrassing outburst at Derek I was less angry and more able to show what I was feeling. I had cried daily for a week but now it was less and less. Even when it happened the tears were only a reaction to a memory.

Me and Dave were just watching the TV and enjoying each others company. But deep down inside I really just wanted to get back to normal and desperately wanted to be back at work where I was useful. Derek had told me tales of the relief tech and the thought of what he could be doing to my system was giving me shivers. I had hacked it a couple of times just to make sure he wasn't doing any serious damage only to receive a stern but indulgent phone call from Hutch asking me to please refrain doing it again.

"David, I think I'm ready to go back to work!"

"Really? I think it would be really good for you to get back into routine" he paused and looked pensive for a moment

"Morgan isn't gonna be happy though"

"I know, but he has a life that he needs to get back to….. I don't want to be a burden anymore and I think a little space would do me good". I smiled at him to show him that I was sure and I think he could plainly see the need in my eyes for normality.

"Okay sweet pea, I'll give Hotch a call and I'll let you know what he thinks"

Newly elated at the prospect of going back to work I decided to make dinner for everyone. I knew that all five of them would pile through the door at bang on six pm. I made enchiladas with an extra kick. No one on the team shied away from spicy food but these would test even the most resistant taste buds so I put out extra sour cream just in case. A little bit early, at ten to six I hear a key turning in the lock and hoped that the food was ready for them.

I bent to get the baking tray out of the oven and turned to put it on the table. Looking up to greet the team with a smile my blood ran cold in my veins when I saw who stood before me.

I felt the baking tray slip from my fingers as if they were made of ice as I took in Kevin's dishevelled form in front of me.

The ceramic tray shattered loudly as it hit the stone tiles, I didn't even hear it. Everything had become muted. The only sound I could hear was the overwhelming gushing of my own blood rushing furiously through my veins.

I was vaguely aware of panicked and heavy footsteps coming towards me. Dave came into my line of vision and was no less than screaming into Kevin's face. He grabbed him by the collar and was moving him towards the door.

"Dave! Wait"

Rossi froze where he stood. To my surprise when he looked back at me there was not anger but fear in his eyes. I couldn't speculate to what he was feeling, I was having enough trouble keeping my own emotions in check. I turned to Kevin wanting to put an end to this once and for all.

"Kevin, what do you want?"

When he spoke, his voice was remarkably quite, far from the booming, threatening voice that terrorised my dreams and haunted my every waking step. Instead, it was like a gentle thrum inviting me home. In his high, familiar tones was everything that was normal and safe.

"I just came to pick up some stuff" He looked hesitant. I didn't break the silence not wanting to give anything away.

"I also wanted to talk to you if that's okay?"

"Really?" I cringed internally at how desperately needy that sounded and I could have sworn that I saw a smugness dawn over Kevin's features.

"Everyone makes mistakes Penelope" He was trying to move closer to me but Rossi still had hold of his jacket.

"This time the mistake was mine…..Can't we just go back to how things were? We were happy, weren't we? We had a good life together"

I stood in silent astonishment.

Unable to speak I just concentrated on keeping my breathing regular and then behind Kevin Morgan's towering form came into view his expression truly terrifying. He looked up to meet my eyes and I saw the same fear that I had seen in Rossi's. I smiled, trying to reassure him. I saw that Morgan was barely holding onto his composure so I needed to end this as soon as possible.

"No Kevin, there's no going back for us. The life we had was never ours, it was yours." I could feel myself losing it, there was so much I wanted to say but just couldn't. I wasn't strong enough yet.

"Goodbye Kevin, I'd say that I hope you'll be happy but I don't want to be a liar like you. I will spend the rest of my life praying that you never have the chance to torture another person like you hurt me."

I gave him eye contact just long enough to see fury burning in his eyes. I needed to see that, it told me that he hadn't changed and reminded me of the person that he really was.

I was free.

**Derek POV **

I could not describe the fear of that one moment. Garcia was staring at Kevin like she wanted nothing more than to run to him and slip back into the delusion. It was crippling.

The rest of the team behind me was just the same, we had come so far. I couldn't bear to lose her again now, I honestly thought that it would kill me, or at the very least, when he managed to kill her I wouldn't be far behind.

Then the most word I had ever heard fell from her lips 'No'. I could have fallen to my knees and wept with joy. She was magnificent.

I knew then that she would be okay and for the first time that day I could think beyond what I wanted for her and I and just focused on what was right for her. She was getting there; my baby girl was coming back.

When she had finished she turned away from Kevin with a distinct look of satisfaction etched on her face.

When she was safely out of view I wrenched Lynch out of Rossi's grip and dragged him out into the hall way. It took all of my control not to just pull my gun and shoot the fucker. I closed the apartment door softly, not wanting Penelope to hear anything.

He looked utterly terrified.

Good, he should have been.

I released my grip on him and left him cowering in the hallway. Walking in a wide circle around him I came to rest at his side and landed a bone crushing kick to the side of his knee.

Lynch whimpered pathetically.

The team didn't move an inch to either stop or help me. They knew not to interfere with this.

I bent over his quivering form and whispered dangerously in his ear.

"Is this how she looked, Lynch?"

He looked up at me with pleading eyes.

"I'm just curious, how hard did you have to hit her to get her to understand?"

He shook his head miserably and mumbled something unintelligible.

"Was it this hard?"

Using only half my strength my fist connected with his jaw. He howled and his hands flew up to protect his face.

"Naw, that's not manly enough for you, is it lynch?"

I don't know what he saw in my eyes in that moment but he looked fearful for his life and for a second I wondered whether that fear was justified.

Without giving him enough time to recover my fist connected with his cheek again and this time I didn't hold back. I put all the hate and anger I felt towards him in that one punch. The impact caused his lip to split and blood trickled down his chin.

"Yeah, that's more like it, isn't it? That's how you show a woman whose boss!" I knew I sounded deranged but I didn't care.

I pulled him to his feet by the hair and he squealed slightly when weigh was put on his injured knee. It was like a symphony to me.

"If you think for one moment that this is over you're wrong"

I leaned in even closer to him, my voice no louder then a breath of wind.

"You are going to wish that I had killed you today, you piece of shit"

His mouth was agape and the unadulterated threat. Not wanting to touch the filthy fuck any longer I threw him down the hall by his hair.

I stood there and watching him like a hawk while he limped down the hallway until he was in the elevator. If he had even glanced back in this direction I would have gouged the eyes from his sockets.

Adrenaline was pumping through me and I tried to calm myself down. I heard a polite cough next to me and I raised my eyes to see that Reid had come to stand beside me. He didn't look shocked by what he had just seen; it was like it was the most natural thing in the world to him. He turned to look at me with a rye smile.

"Remind me never to piss you off"

I couldn't help but return the smile. I had just delivered the retribution that the rest of the team had craved for. Little did they know that it was only the start of it.

But for now my brave little Trojan sat waiting on the other side of that door and that was all that mattered.

**A/N: Okay, I thought I'd upload another chapter to make up for the HA-UGE break before the last one. Can't tell you how gratifying this chapter was to write but have we seen the last of Kevin? That is the big question. Let me know what you think, please review. **

**Tah and thanks so much for reading. Looking at my story stats is one of the best parts of my day!**

**Btw, am I the only one who was gutted by the outcome of 'Snake eyes'? **

**Loves **

**Treebz**

**X x x x x x x x **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Who could in this recession? ****J **

**Chapter nine. **

**A Broken 'D' String **

**Derek POV **

"No way! Give yourself a little more time, baby girl"

"I don't need more time Derek. I just want to get back to my little desk and be useful again"

Silence hung in the air; neither of us was willing to budge. What surprised me was that my opinion of what she did with her life held so much weight with her. That worried me. I truly believed that if I told her that under no circumstances was she to go back to the office she would not go. There was still vulnerability there. The old Garcia would have told me to piss off and would have done whatever she wanted.

"Derek, this apartment is suffocating me. I just want to get out of it; I have too much time to think here."

I could understand where she was coming from there. This little apartment had become almost a protective bubble for all of us.

"Baby girl, you can do whatever you want to do, can we just talk about it a bit more later? The kids will be here soon"

Her whole face lit up breaking my heart. Henry had been asking for his aunty Pen and we had kept them away just in case. She had missed them terribly. Two weeks after Lynch had tipped up unannounced at her doorstep Penelope had come on leaps and bound. Through it all, she had found some reservoir of strength. The first few days after were rough. I would catch her sitting silently by herself and I could tell that she was questioning the decision she had made. I didn't want to tell her that it was she had to find out for herself.

Nevertheless, little by little, the questioning stopped and a subtle resolve formed in the set of Penelope's jaw, the formation of her words, there was a reassured hue around her and I loved it. She knew she had made the right choice for herself. She deserved so much more than him. I knew that she suspected that there had been some physical altercation between Lynch and I outside the apartment. When we had re-entered the apartment that day, Penelope had rushed to me grabbing my hands to look at my knuckles and running her hand across my cheek. Her soft touch was nearly my undoing but I had to smile at her belief that Kevin would be able to land a punch on me. In truth, he had known better than to even try. He should have had the same realisation before he laid a hand on Penelope, he should have known that I was just an extension of her

At the prospect of the two kids coming over Garcia hopped off the sofa and tottered into the bedroom. I had given up on shadowing her every step. I thought about it for a while and I had to admit that it would annoy the most even-tempered person. I still felt like there was a dark shadow beside me when she wasn't there but I had contained the overwhelming need to cover her in bubble wrap.

After a few moments, Garcia immerged from the bedroom clutching a knitted bag to her chest. Realisation dawned on me. Penelope spent most of her time knitting these days, any spare moment and the needles were out. She sat beside me and opened the bag. Out of the bag came two perfectly knitted little jumpers, one bigger than the other. Henry's one was a vibrant yellow with his name knitted in red along the front and large buttons on the shoulders and cuffs. Jack's was much the same but in navy blue with white letters and buttons.

I had to admit they were cute. I was immediately transported to somewhere in distant fantasy. Garcia and I sitting by a fire, my arm laid casually around her shoulders, my fingers drawing lazy circles on the soft skin of her arm. We were both looking down at two beautiful children each wearing a matching knitted sweater. It was a place I never wanted to leave. It was warm, comforting and safe. The sound of needles clacking together brought me back to reality. I didn't deserve that life, I didn't deserve her.

Garcia tied off the ends, making them look neat while I just watched her working. I put the one she was finished with back in the bag. The wool didn't have that harsh scratchy feel, it felt soft and expensive. The woman had more money than sense.

I worried about her money situation. She hadn't worked in a month and was taking unpaid leave. I knew that in this part of town, with rent prices, she was basically living hand to mouth most of the time. She had savings but I didn't want her to dipping into them but I would never be able to get her to take money from me. This was part of the reason why I was worried about her choice to go back to work. I didn't want her decision to be motivated by something as stupid as money.

Having long given up on knocking, the door opened behind us and the team piled in. Hotch had Jack slung over his shoulder with the kid giggling excitedly. Henry was at his independent stage walking around without holding his mammas hand. You couldn't help but envious of J.J and Hotch. They had so much to stay home for but even so, they managed to haul themselves out to work every day. I wondered if I were in the same position, with a beautiful wife and children, would I have the same strength. I seriously doubted it.

Hotch put some bags down on the counter top and it was then Jack caught sight of Penelope standing eagerly waiting for the kids to notice her. He squealed excitedly alerting Henry to her presence and what followed was a jumble of arms, legs, kisses and cuddles. Everything about Garcia's demeanour changed, she was bright and bubbly. She had needed this.

Reid, Rossi and Prentiss clambered in, each looking rather pink from exertion, carrying two large bags each.

"What are they for? Are you moving in?"

This at least earned a smile from a disgruntled Reid.

"We thought that we'd take the kids to the park for a picnic" he looked around to see if Penelope was listening "We thought it would be good to get Garcia out of the house".

I couldn't have agreed more. The whole team set to making sandwiches and snacks. True to form, there really were no half measures with us and we ended up leaving the apartment with twice the amount of food we needed.

Both wearing their newly knitted jumpers, Henry and Jack walked ahead of us hand in hand feeling very grown up. If they had looked over their shoulders, they would have seen that Hotch was hovering behind with his arms subconsciously slightly outstretched just in case one of them tripped over.

Penelope's apartment was close to the park. It was one of the reasons why she had loved it when she moved in. She had been confined to that apartment for weeks, each one of us too apprehensive to let her see daylight just in case she would run back to Lynch. I hoped that she wouldn't but at the end of the day, she was a grown woman and too keep her cooped up in that tiny space was just as controlling as Lynch himself was. As I sat staring at Penelope digging into her egg salad sandwich with an enthusiasm that would make a broken man smile I sighed at the realisation that our time basically living together was coming to an end.

Penelope's eyes flashed to mine. "What's wrong, Angel fish?"

"Nothing, Baby girl, so when were you thinking of going back to work?"

Hotch's head shot up and alarm flashed in his eyes. I knew that he was worried too, we all were, but he had the sense to keep his opinions to himself. We couldn't keep her wrapped in this little bubble.

Penelope was looking anxiously at Hotch, still looking for permission for what she wanted.

"Well, I suppose, as soon as possible. If that's okay with the bureau?"

"You can come back whenever you're ready, Garcia"

I could tell that Hotch was trying to be professional but a tremor had crept into his voice. I knew exactly how he felt.

"Great! Well I guess I'll be back in the office on Monday"

I nearly inhaled my sandwich and the whole group fell silent.

"Baby girl, Monday as in tomorrow?"

"Yeah, no point putting it off, I really want to get back to it, you know, occupy myself"

I could do nothing more but nod. This was really it. Tonight would be my last night at Garcia's place. My heart ached with the realisation.

**Garcia POV **

I said a private litany when the date was set for my return to work. I couldn't wait. The apartment was just too much, too many memories. Over the past few weeks with the team I couldn't decide if the apartment was too empty, allowing my memories of Kevin and I to peek through and take me off guard, or if it was too full, like the team was deliberately trying to wash our time together away.

I didn't know how I felt. I felt angry and sad all the time, there was no reprieve. This time with the children was wonderful. It allowed me to see through their eyes, playing carefree on the park swings. It took me to place of utter innocence, where the dark shadows were simply fantastical characters in a book. Real life isn't like that.

The sun was sinking low over the buildings surrounding the park and the air began to chill. With Jack and Henry laid over their parents shoulders sleeping peacefully we headed back to my little prison talking about nothing in particular. However, as we walked the cities streets, an almost imperceptible tension hung around us. I knew that everyone was nervous about me returning to work. Hell, so was I. But I also knew that it had to be done. Sooner rather than later, before apprehension overtook excitement.

Back at the apartment, we said our goodbyes in hushed voices as to not wake the children and parted ways leaving Derek and I alone.

He stood awkwardly at the other side of the apartment willing me to break the suffocating silence that had descended over the apartment. This was very unlike Derek. My over confident, slightly egotistical personal Adonis felling subconscious? I frowned in confusion.

And then it dawned on me…he was leaving me.

Panic swept through me vicious and fast. I had to work hard to steady my breathing. I let the silence drift on, not knowing what to say to the man that had saved my life. I knew that I couldn't hold him here. What did I have to hold him with? I had nothing, I was still the shell, an empty husk. He had a life to get back to, I shuddered to think at how much he had let slip just because of me.

Forcing my lips into a smile, willing the unshed tears in my eyes not to fall and praying for a steady voice I walked to him.

Removing his hands from his pockets, he grasped my elbows as I reached him. His eyes burned with an intensity that could only be Derek's but with an insecurity that was anyone's but his. I reached up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. When I pulled back, his eyes were squeezed shut. And in my cheeriest voice….

"Well, I'm gonna get an early night, big day back at work tomorrow. Night hot stuff, see ya in the morning"

And before my voice could falter and give me away, I walked away and shut my bedroom door behind me.

**Derek POV **

…..My heart just shattered.

**A/N **

**Hey all, you'll be delighted to learn that my thesis is due in early Oct so I will be all yours to finish this story and my other story Frustrations. Have to admit I hated writing this chapter, I mean come on! Poor Derek! But hey ho! Please review and let me know what you think of it! **

**Much loves as always **

**Treebz! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten **

**The case**

**Derek POV **

The morning was awkward. Both of us skirting around the other. As I quickly dried myself after a hot shower, my mind wandered back over the past month. So much had happened, how was she still standing after it? How were any of us?

I threw on a black shirt and pants and knew it was time to face the music. Stepping out of the bathroom, I saw Garcia already in the kitchen making breakfast.

"Baby girl, I would have done that"

She turned around to face me and the sight of her took my breath away. Her blonde locks cascaded down her shoulders, lusciously curled with a brilliant shine. I wanted nothing more than to run my fingers through it.

"Well, I thought I'd give our little adventure a nice send off" she turned back toward the cooker "How do pancakes sound?"

The end of our adventure? Was that what this was? The end? I tried to draw a steady breath but could not stop it from catching in my throat. Pancakes were the last thing on my mind.

"Yeah, sounds great"

I sat at the table and tried to force the pancakes down my constricted throat.

I didn't taste a single bite.

**Garcia POV.**

I had to keep my back to him cooking breakfast in case my face gave away what I was feeling inside.

I knew that I had to let him go. He had a life to get back to, I couldn't justify keeping him from that any longer. I hadn't gotten round to working out what I was going to do when he was gone yet but I'd figure something out.

I'd always known my feelings for Derek. I was his friend. Someone who he could confide in and be himself around. When we had first met, I did fancy him a bit…..

Who am I kidding… I fancied him A LOT.

Who wouldn't, seriously?

However, more than that I could see straight through his macho act. Sometimes, when he would call me on a case, I knew he was worried, sometimes I knew he was scared. He knew that I knew and that was probably the one thing about whatever awful situation he was in that did not frighten us. Everything about us felt natural.

But I wasn't naïve. I knew when I saw him dancing with those girls in the club. A man like that wasn't meant for me. At the time it made me sad but now I took solace I knowing that those girls were worthy of his body but I had his mind. I was the one he opened up to, and as gorgeous, as he was outside his character was sublime.

Finishing up I took our plates and dumped them in the sink, it would give me something to do when I got home and realised I was alone.

"Ready to go?"

He nodded solemnly; I presumed he was still uncertain of me returning to work.

**Derek POV**

The ride to work was a quiet one but I couldn't bring myself to break the silence. I stole a few glances at Penelope who was fidgeting relentlessly in her seat. Christ, how bored had she been with me that she was this excited to return to work? This was a new start for her and she deserved more enthusiasm then I was giving her. I snapped myself out of my sullen mood and turned on the radio.

The noise seemed to jolt her and her eyes flew to mine. I gave her the best smile that I could.

"Ready to be back? It's like a new start for you"

Her answering smile was a little weak but she nodded in agreement.

She was nervous.

If it was Lynch she had nothing to worry about, he hadn't returned to work since we had our little run in. I could only hope that we didn't get a case anytime soon.

I pulled into my space and we made our way up to the office.

We were seriously early but it would be good for Garcia to be reacquainted with her space peacefully.

That idea went out the window when the elevator doors slid open. The whole team was sat waiting anxiously on her arrival.

"Oh for god's sake" Garcia muttered when we walked through the glass doors.

Hotch cracked a smile. "This isn't what it looks like, we didn't plan this, we just ended up here at the same time"

I could tell her was speaking the truth and my mouth reluctantly turned up into a grin.

I went to get Penelope and me a coffee while she chatted with the rest of the group. In that moment it made perfect sense for her to be here, there was no other place she was more protected. Just as a wave of calm released the tension that had been building in my shoulders the shrill ring tone of J.J's cell shattered it.

Silence descended on the group as she and Hotch went into his office.

Shit

I handed Penelope her coffee and tried to not let the panic I saw in her eyes smother me.

Obviously feeling awkward in the silence Reid tried to compensate in the only way that Reid knew how, by spouting off endless and useless facts about coffee. For once, I didn't zone out, I soaked up that boys words as if they were the most interesting thing I'd ever heard.

A short while later Hotch and J.J emerged and I knew as soon as I saw their faces that it wasn't good.

Hotch met my eye

"Briefing room in ten, we have a case; J.J will lead the briefing while Garcia settles in"

Shit, this was just perfect, her first day back and we'd all be leaving. I tried to make the best of the situation.

"Okay baby girl, why don't we go into your office and get your stuff?"

She nodded and followed me wordlessly. I opened the door to what she had once named her 'sanctuary' and sucked in a sharp breath. It was so bleak, like a cage. She had removed all of her little ornaments when she was living with Lynch, right now this room was the personification of that relationship. Bleak, dark and empty.

Penelope giggled nervously.

"Well it looks like I have some work to do in here"

She quickly grabbed her tablet and we made our way into the briefing room.

**Garcia POV. **

It was surreal being back in this room. Just over a month ago I had collapsed on this floor and the life I thought that I would have had crumbled around me. I knew that everyone was keeping his or her eye on me and I made a conscious effort to be as professional as possible.

Although I couldn't help feeling the blood drain from my face when the photographs of the victims were projected onto the big screen. This was a doozy of a case to come back to work to, this guy was seriously fucked up and vicious. The girl was mutilated beyond recognition, the only discerning feature was her auburn hair and even that had been hacked away.

J,J's voice lulled me out of my internal ponderings.

"First victim is Samantha Bricker, she was found dead in her penthouse apartment the day before yesterday. Police originally thought that it was a crime of passion given the circumstances and violence of the murder but as of yesterday evening three more bodies were discovered."

The images on the screen changed. I immediately though that it was the same woman taken from different angles but there was subtle differences, the curve of their shoulders, and the shape of their legs.

"The second victim is Emma Gordon, we have yet to identify the third and the fourth is Selena Harvey. All the women were beaten and then strangled. The coroner states that they were mutilated before death, the first two women died as a result of asphyxiation but the unsub is clearly devolving as his next two victims expired from exsanguinations resulting from the mutilations."

When J.J had given us the bare basics ideas began to fly around the board table. I sat back and took notes not knowing what might be useful when they got on the plane.

Derek spoke up first.

"The guy could have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder and these attacks are a way of asserting his power over women. His MO changed after the first murder, the first woman was a brunette whereas all victims since have been heavyset blondes. I think the cops had the right idea with the first victim, it was a crime of passion and is personally connected to the unsub in some way. I think that's where we have the best chance of finding a link to him."

Hotch nodded "I agree, wheels up in thirty."

"Where are we going?"

" Not far, the first was here in Quantico, second was in Dumfries and the final two were in Dale City. This guy's keeping it local. Garcia we'll call you from the cars"

The room then erupted into a flurry of movement. My concerns seemed so small next to what was going on a few miles down the road. I returned to my office and booted up my computers, ready for whatever the day might bring. The office was beginning to fill at this point and the soothing hum of idle chatter filtered through my open door.

I felt a presence behind me so I swung around to see Derek observing me from the door.

"All settled in and ready to go?"

"Yup, let's catch this son of a bitch"

He chucked but a frown burrowed between his brow

"This isn't how I saw your first day back baby girl. If you need anything just call me"

"You know I will"

This caused his frown to deepen even more because we both knew that I wouldn't.

He extended his arm and I took it, he pulled sharply startling me and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. His face buried in my hair he inhaled deeply though I hardly noticed as the scent of his masculinity flooded my senses. He pulled back and searched my eyes briefly. As if tearing himself away he turned and walked out the door without a backwards glance.

When the team left the building I grabbed myself another cup of coffee and settled down to examine the crime scene photos. Derek had said that the link was in the first murder so that seemed like a good place to start.

The victim was sprawled naked on the bed, a very plush bed. The room screamed of money. No expense had been spared she was obviously wealthy or from a well off family. This was in stark contrast to the other victims. They had been unceremoniously dumped in Prince William Forest Park; he hadn't bothered to bury them and left them in places they would be quickly discovered.

I flicked onto the next picture; it was a shot of the outer door and hallway. No sign of forced entry and the hall represented the practiced calm that could only belong to the elite. The wallpaper was familiar though. Had I looked at this picture before? I went back to the photograph of the victim's apartment. I didn't recognise anything there. The hallway was sparking something in me. For five minutes, I started at the door. What was her name?

I thumbed through the case file until I found it, Samantha Bricker.

My chest constricted and my breathing came in short, broken gasps. I knew this woman because I would never be her. Kevin had told me so…..

"You STILL disgust me…you'll never be Samantha"

**A/N: well guys, I'm back after a very VERY long break lol. Really hope you all like the little twist Im giving this fic. Let me know what you think in the review section. **

**Also for anyone that's interested I wrote a very personal song that I think deals a lot with the kind of emotional trauma that Garcia experiences during this fic, give 'What would you say?' a listen if you're interested. X x**

watch?v=8I-ImhTqVuQ

**Much love**

**Treeebz **

** xx **


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven **

**Ripples **

**Garcia POV**

If I were a pebble thrown into a smooth pond how far would my ripples travel? Would I see them as I sank beneath the mirrored surface of the water? But I knew as I sat statuesque in my seat that although I could feel myself drowning people far and wide would feel the force of these waves. Those poor women had paid the ultimate price for Kevin's mistake and mine.

Unable to draw my gaze from the images in front of me I sat utterly paralysed. I knew that Kevin was coming for me, which had to be the motive behind all of this. The change in MO all made sense when you factored our relationship into the equation. I knew what Kevin was capable of but even still, after everything he had done to me, I never thought he was capable of murder.

The sound of my phone ringing travelled to me as though through a tunnel. Everything seemed so far away. I had nothing tangible to hold onto, nothing seemed real. As if on autopilot, I reached across and punched the dial with the end of my pencil. No sound came from my mouth, I couldn't utter a word.

As I tried to discern the words filtering through the receiver, I recognised the caller as Hotch. After I was able to put a name to the voice, it was almost as if he was coming closer to me, like we were bridging the distance in a dense fog.

"Garcia, are you there? Are you listening to me?"

"Sir?"

My voice sounded pathetic even to me.

"Garcia, is everything alright there?" his voice softened marginally "If it's too much for your first day you can go home, another tech can handle your duties"

I needed to snap myself out of this, take control of the situation.

"Sir, I know who did this"

My voice still shook but I didn't sound unsure. I needed to convince them of this. For everyone's sake. I didn't know what Kevin was capable of.

"What? Who? How?"

He sounded dubious, I didn't blame him.

"Well I was looking at the crime scene photos and trying to get some background on our first victim when I recognised something"

"Go on" business Hotch was back. At least I had his attention.

"Sir, it where I found Kevin after he left, he was seeing Samantha Bricker"

Even after everything that had happened saying the words aloud caused white-hot pain to sear through me. I was disappointed with my reaction. Would I ever be myself again? Or where the wounds too deep to heal?

As I was feeling sorry for myself, I was suddenly aware that it was very quiet on the other end of the phone.

"eh…. Where are you now Garcia?" I frowned and was about to answer when he sighed on the other end of the line "Stupid question. Lock your office door and stay there until one of us arrives"

This confused me even more. Sure, Kevin was probably after me but I was in one of the safest buildings on the planet. Plus, we knew who had done it; it was just a matter of finding him.

"Sure thing boss"

"And Garcia? Open the door for no one except us"

"Yes sir"

Abruptly he ended the call.

Okay now I was frightened and felt very much alone. He made it sound like I couldn't trust anyone around me. Maybe I couldn't. I made my way to the door and quickly turned the lock.

How well did I really know everyone outside of my own team? We were like a family; we socialised with each other and were involved in each other's personal lives. The majority of my relationships with the personnel of the Bureau weren't like that.

There was nothing I could do but sit and wait.

**Morgan POV**

As Hotch filled me in on his conversation I slammed on the brakes so hard I was nearly rear ended by a sedan following in the slipstream of my blues and twos. Luckily, Reid was wearing a seatbelt or else he would have been through the windscreen. Even with her seatbelt on, I could feel J.J pushing into the back of my seat from the force of the deceleration. Noting that I was no longer behind him Hotch executed a quick you turn and returned to where I was stopped. As he pulled along side, the look on my face told him that I was going no further. When this had been a normal case, the pull to return to her had been strong but manageable but now it was physically painful. Every second away from her knowing that a psychopath like Kevin was hunting her cut me through. Hotch nodded, seemingly to himself, looking uncharacteristically lost for a moment. However, that moment was brief and within seconds, his cool and commanding professionalism was back in place.

"Okay Reid, J.J get in the back"

After a quick car shuffle, and I mean quick, Reid may have whiplash after the way I hauled his ass from the car, I was barrelling back to the BAU. I needed to get Garcia and take her anywhere but here. Somewhere he wouldn't know of. I knew in the back of my mind that there was only one place I could take her, a place that even the team didn't know about.

I screeched to a stop in front of the building and ran for her. My heart was beating wildly in my chest. Jesus, what if she'd gone back to how she was before? I pushed that thought from my mine. No matter what I found, I would bring her back from it. I would make her safe.

I stood fidgeting while the elevator lumbered up to my floor and very nearly left a 'Derek' shaped impression on the doors when they didn't open fast enough for my liking. Forcing myself to be casual, I strolled though the office. People milled around me, I was a naturally suspicious man and Garcia was too important to be pissing around when I didn't know who to trust.

My fist met the hard wood of her door.

"Baby girl, open up"

The unlatched immediately and as I stepped into her office I closed the door behind me.

The sweet smell of her shampoo filled my senses as she launched her self at me. Clutching me around the waist, I tried to sooth her, stroking her hair, whispering comforting words, letting her tears fall unabashed into my t-shirt.

I tipped her chin up lightly with the tips of my fingers. I stared into her eyes and found my resolve in them. I expected her to look away but we stood this way for an unfathomable length of time. I found my strength in her but I needed her to know that she would find safety with me. Neither of us said a word. We didn't need to. I didn't need to tell her how serious the situation was and she didn't need to explain how frightened she felt. It was written plain for all to see across our faces. Physically hurting at having to let her go I pulled back but grasped her hand instead, still needing any connection to her.

"We gotta go, baby"

She nodded wanly and I led her from the office. Once out onto the floor I let her take the lead as I followed closely behind watching anyone and anything that came close to her. Anyone that came with five feet of her was pinned with a steely glare that quickly had them backtracking. I knew she was nervous, her shoulders were hunched and she held herself with a rigidity that made me flinch. Once the elevator doors slid shut I stood beside her and clasped her hand for once grateful of the slow ride down simply for the time it gave me to calm her nerves.

When my skin met the tenderness of her palm, her eyes turned to meet mine. I flashed her the best 'Morgan' grin I could manage, the one that said 'everything's okay, I'm completely in control' even though inside I felt anything but in control.

Her returning smile was weak and broke my heart; it made the gathering tears pool and gently fall down her cheeks. Before I could stop myself, I dipped my head and kissed the tear away, lingering to feel the silk of her skin on my mouth. Her skin warmed under my mouth and as I pulled away, a wonderful blush blossomed on her cheeks. Her startled eyes met mine. Pretty sure that I looked as shocked as she did I focused my gaze on the elevator door, once again praying that it would speed up.

Holding her hand firmly in mine, I let her to the car, once inside I locked the doors.

"Where are we going?"

Garcia's eyes were wide and frightened the shock of my unexpected show of affection clearly wearing off.

I pulled away from the BAU concentrating on the road.

"Somewhere I can keep you safe, baby girl"

We drove in silence for ten minutes before I pulled into a service station and brimmed the tank.

Opening her door, I leaned in beside her.

"I need your phones, Baby Girl" I suppressed a grin when it looked like she was going to protest and cocked my eyebrow instead.

"Fine" she muttered in defeat handing me four cell phones. Cracking the sim cards and flipping out the batteries, I dumped them in a trashcan nearby.

With Garcia safely locked in the car with the keys I went into pay and grabbed some supplies for the journey ahead and then we were on our way.

The silence wasn't companionable, it was wrought with tension. I tried to relax into the journey. I used to love taking off for days at a time with nothing but a good CD and miles of good road but this was different. I wasn't used to running. I was torn between the need to rip Kevin's skin off piece-by-piece and the all-consuming need to have Garcia safe and close to me.

Garcia's voice broke the silence.

"How long will it take us to get where we're going?"

"About eight hours give or take" I flashed a grin in her direction knowing how much she hated long journeys.

"Eight hours!" she released a heavy breath "I'm gonna go insane Derek, I can hardly sit still as it is. I hate safe houses, they're so sterile, and I'm gonna be no better there either. Maybe we should go back and help the team? We can be more useful there I can't bear to think of everyone riski….."

"Whoa whoa Baby girl. Slow down. Number one: staying in Quantico would do nothing except put you in danger. You are connected with a federal case Penelope. You can't work on it, you're too involved, hell, the rest of the team are treading the line being so close to you and actively searching for Kevin. Number two: the team want you safe Baby Girl. We risk our lives every time we leave the BAU to work on a case. They do it for strangers Pen, you're family, what did you expect?" Feeling the tension drift away, I released my iron grip on the steering wheel.

"What about you, Derek? You could still be working the case, I feel like you've dropped everything for me the past few months and I hate that I'm making you walk away from the team"

I released a breath that I didn't realise I was holding.

"Yes, I've walked away from the team for good reason, I don't trust myself around Kevin. But Penelope, more importantly, there is no way that I could walk away from you. I will always be here, I will be whatever you want me to be, you are my God given solace. You know that."

I couldn't look at her. As the quiet settled into the car I knew that I had stunned her into silence. I knew I'd said too much but goddamn it, it was time she learned what she meant to me. No matter what capacity she understood my words the depth of feeling behind them couldn't be denied.

"And number four" I said awkwardly trying to break the tension and lighten the mood.

"You're not staying at a safe house"

She coughed to clear her throat.

"Then where are we going?"

"To my house"

To my surprise, she started giggling. The sound filled the small space and started to thaw the ice that had started creeping around my heart.

"Derek, your house it like ten-fifteen minutes away from mine. Eight hours my ass"

"That's my apartment, Baby girl" the giggling abruptly stopped "I'm taking you to my house, I'm gonna show you my home"

**A/N: Another chapter done. Yay! Thanks all for the lovely reviews its great to get feedback on the story. Poor Derek, I just wanna eat him alive. Anyhoo, enough of this silliness, please review and let me know what you think. **

**Much love as always**

**Treebz**

**X x**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Heaven**

**Derek POV.**

Rolling down the two-mile driveway to the house, I knew that this had been the right decision. Invisible from the road nobody would know the house was there unless they were told. Only when I had turned off the ignition did I allow the fatigue of the journey to settle into my bones. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Every car behind us was tailing us as far as I was concerned. It had all been worth it though; sitting outside the house, I knew it had been the right decision. I could keep her safe here. There was no paper trail leading Kevin to us and this place was about as isolated as you could get.

I let my head loll back against the headrest and allowed the calm to wash over me. I hadn't planned on showing this place to her for a while but it couldn't be helped with the situation. Penelope's deep breathing and my own heavy eyelids were drawing me closer to sleep so I opened the door and forced myself out of it. The night air was chilly but not so cold as you'd need a sweater, the sky was as black as ink with twinkling starlight the only relief, not a soul for miles in either direction just how I wanted it. Penelope had fallen asleep about five hours into the journey, the tension visibly left her as we broke away from the cities. With the passenger side door open I slipped my arms underneath her knees and around her shoulders and lifted her from the car without jostling her. Her head tipped to one side so as it was resting on my shoulder and all was right in the world. How many times had I imagined carrying her over the threshold of this house? But her face had always worn a smile instead of the small worry lines that now haunted her features even in sleep.

Pushing the front door open, the smell of freshly sanded wood and varnish assaulted my senses. Even though I hadn't been here in years everything still smelled as new as when it was first finished from lack of use. The plastic was still on the couch and mattresses, all of the furniture was just dumped in their respective rooms and most of the appliances were still in their boxes. My work on this house had ended when her relationship with Kevin began. Laying Penelope gently on the sofa I headed upstairs to set up her bedroom. I knew I wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight, I wanted the house functional by the time she woke up tomorrow morning.

An hour later and she was still in the same position I had left her in, carrying her up to her bedroom, well the spare room or nursery, I had never intended on it being hers, and laid her on the bed. Removing her shoes and covering her with a duvet I left her to her dreams and hoped they were peaceful. Gathering what little energy I had I set to work on the rest of the house.

**Penelope POV**

I opened my eyes slowly and allowed them to get used to the light. Through the small line of vision, I saw unfamiliar walls and jolted awake with a gasp. Flinging my legs over the side of the bed, I tried to remember events from the previous day. This must be Derek's house although the majority of the journey here was a blur.

"Derek?" My meagre call was swallowed in the large room but a few minutes later the door swung open and Derek's shape filled the frame. He looked tired.

"Morning, Baby Girl, you up for some breakfast?"

"You know me, Hot Stuff, I'm up for anything"

I sighed in contentment at the utter domesticity of that moment. I knew then that it would be so easy to forget everything that was happening outside of these walls. It was wonderful.

"Can I grab a shower first? I'm pretty sure I look like a bag of smashed hammers right now and I didn't bring any other clothes"

"You look gorgeous as always Pen, I have some sweats that you can wear until we can get you something else, and there are also spare toothbrushes in the bathroom"

This brightened my outlook considerably so I grabbed a towel and hopped into the shower. Typical guys bathroom, the bottles just said "shampoo" no "Anti-frizz" or "sleek and shine" here. I knew I was going to have a lion's mane after it but I didn't care, eight hours of travelling had left me feeling grubby. Squirting body scrub onto a flannel, I recognised the smell immediately, it was all Derek. Relishing the smell, I rubbed it into my skin, hoping I would soak up as much of it as possible. Realising how creepy that thought was I shook it from my head and carried on with the task at hand. Body clean, hair and teeth brushed I returned to my room and found some sweats laid out on the bed. Shrugging them on I followed the smell toward what had to be the kitchen. As I wandered through the house, I realised that every piece of wood had Derek's stamp on it but the colour choices weren't his at all. Derek's apartment was a guy's apartment, basic, functional and somewhat sterile. But this was warm, it invited you in. The warm tones spoke to me and reminded me of my own little nest before Kevin moved in. I found that I could get very used to being here. As I reached, the source of the smell Derek was studiously monitoring whatever was in the pan. The kitchen was spectacular, spacious, quaint but modern. If I could cook this would be like heaven to me but given the wonderful aroma filling the room it was clear that Derek could cook enough for the both of us.

The rumbling of my stomach alerted him to my presence and he turned to face me. His eyes widened momentarily and ran over me. Crap! I was suddenly very aware that I wasn't wearing a stitch of makeup and Derek's top fit me a little too snugly. Knowing that my lumps and bumps were showing I started pulling self-consciously at the t-shirt and tried to break the silence that had become awkward.

"Errmmm, that smells amazing"

Derek didn't answer and his eyes narrowed on the hand that was trying to stretch out the shirt.

"Is there a chemist near buy? I didn't being any makeup with me" I giggled nervously "I feel a little naked"

"There's one in the shopping centre but you don't need it," He added fiercely.

"Sounds good, now where's the grub chef cos this really does smell great and I'm starving"

**Derek POV **

I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her hair hung low on her back the moisture preventing it from springing into its curls, her face was as fresh as the morning air and the sight of my clothes on her did strange things to my body. I was starting to question the decision to bring her here. Alone for god knows how long, how was I going to keep my hands off her? Then she started pulling at her t-shirt and talking about makeup. I would gladly hand over every single t-shirt I owned if I could be greeted with the sight of her wearing them every morning. Don't get me wrong I loved how Garcia managed to match her makeup with whatever she happened to be wearing on a particular day. But this was Penelope, in her own beautiful skin, as natural as it comes. She was so beautiful it hurt.

I realised that I was staring at her stupidly and she had noticed so I absently shovelled some pancakes and bacon into my mouth.

"So what do you want to do today?"

"Well, Hot Stuff, this is your party, what can we do?"

That was a good question. I knew very little about the area apart from the fact that it had good schools, a very low crime rate and a small shopping area but even then, that was a good forty-minute drive from the house.

"You have no idea do you?"

With that, she erupted into a fit of giggles.

"Derek, what the hell are we gonna do?"

I couldn't help but smile. It was a very real concern however; we were going to go insane.

"The T.V isn't even set up"

This earned more giggles from Pen

"We're so screwed D"

"I had a few DVD's, they're all about three years old, and some books mostly about self defence"

"It may come to that, hot stuff; it may just come to that"

After breakfast, I took her on a tour of the house. As I showed her the master bedroom, I would have given anything to lay my head on the pillows for just an hour. The night had quite literally flown and I was just going to have a nap when she called for me this morning. However, it had been worth it, the house looked normal, not exactly lived in but ready for someone to call it home. For me the house was a constant reminder of what I couldn't have. When decorating it I drew inspiration from Penelope's apartment in the "before Kevin era". From that, I knew the colours that she liked what kind of feel she would want from a home. For me the house was filled with Garcia and the future I had always hoped we'd have together.

Finally, I showed her the living room, possibly my favourite room of the house. It was a place for DVD nights, wine and cold nights snuggled by the fire. God I sounded like such a girl but if I was being honest with myself there was nothing I wanted more.

"Why don't you pick a craptastic movie for you watch and me to fall asleep to?"

Laughing she said "I hope you have a chick flick hidden in there somewhere"

"You'd be surprised; I'm a big softie at heart"

All humour went out of her face

"Yes you are Derek…..and I don't know what I'd do without you"

She reached up and kissed me on the cheek.

Flicking my head toward the T.V I said, "Go on then Mama, let's get this chick fest goin"

Both laughing like teenagers, I knew that we'd be okay; we'd find something to amuse ourselves with. I just had to tame my imagination.

Checking the time, I went into foyer and got the small disposable cell from my jacket. I turned it on hoping that Hotch would go by standard check in times and would be somewhere he could talk to me safely. I dialled his number, it didn't ring twice.

"Hotchner"

"Hi Hotch, it's Morgan, can you talk?" He knew that I meant, "Is there any chance of you being over heard"

He audibly exhaled a sigh of relief.

"Yes, my cell is safe and I'm sat in the car pretending to read the case file again, I presume you got to wherever you are with no trouble?"

"None at all, we're all settled in, any movement with the case?"

"We know that he's on the move but he's covering his tracks. Ironically the only person who could track him is with you"

"She can't have network access Hotch, it would be like putting a target on her forehead"

"I know that Morgan" He took a breath as if to release the anger from his voice "Trust me I know. We're all getting frustrated here, the Director is breathing down our necks just looking for an excuse to take us off the case. We're all so focused trying to be emotionally detached that we're not as sharp as we should be."

"I'll talk to Garcia again, see if she can tell us something we might have missed"

"Worth a try, thanks Morgan"

"No problem, same time tomorrow?"

"Yup, I'll have to find some more reading material"

Laughing I ended the call.

Walking back into the living room, I caught Penelope smelling her arm.

"What are you doin, Baby Girl?"

She jerked her arm away from her and flushed scarlet.

"Nothing"

I could tell she was lying; I cocked my eyebrow and gave her the "If you don't tell there'll be naughty consequences" look.

"It's your body wash, I smell like you," She said sheepishly with her eyes glued to the floor.

I was gob smacked.

Flopping down on the sofa, I tried to make light of it even though I was sure my heart was trying to escape my chest.

"Meh, it's alright, I like to smell good for my number one lady"

I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively, which bought me a broad smile from the goddess beside me.

"Personally, I prefer you smelling of strawberries"

Penelope's face was priceless.

"Gahh….. How'd you?…..really?"

I reached over and gently ran my fingers through her hair. It was wild and very close to how I imagined it would look after I made love to her. I imagined it splayed across my pillows as her back arched to my touch, I'd wrap it in my hands as I nibble on her and suckled her sweet…stop! Tame the imagination Derek!

"Yeah, Baby Girl, smell like strawberries, skin like cream. An intoxicating and delicious combination"

She curled into my side and we settled into my own personal heaven for however long it lasted.

**A/N And another chapter is finished. We're coming to the end of this story now. BOO! Its been so long since I updated that I had to read back over the chapters to refresh my memory. It helped me realise how much I love this story and really want to finish it. Thank you so much for keeping reading and putting up with me. As always please review. **

**Treebz**

** x**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Fourteen **

**Target Practice. **

**Lynch POV **

Pacing the small motel room my mind was over run. I rubbed my knee absentmindedly, the pain served as the continuous solidification of my resolve. The hooker was splayed on the bed, unmoving. Her blond hair accented by the deep red of her life's blood. She was beautiful like this; she had transcended the living and become a work of art created by Kevin Lynch. But she was not the one I was after. He had her somewhere. Hiding her from me. Fucking bitch that she was. I would find her. Derek had to have made a mistake somewhere. I couldn't go back to Quantico, obviously. But thankfully, the FBI had made the continuous mistake of underestimating Kevin Lynch, never recognising my true potential. I should have been the consultant for that team; it killed me looking at that whore sitting at the desk that should have been mine.

She'd get hers though. So would Morgan. I'd make him watch the life leave her eyes first. I'd let him know that it was his fault. If he hadn't interfered the day I called to see her everything could have gone back to the way it was. I'd have Penelope under thumb and Samantha to keep me occupied. But now, Penelope had grown a brain for her self and developed some unwarranted self-esteem and I left Samantha in a pool of blood. That was his fault as well. I'd just have to incapacitate the big bastard first.

Penelope had filled her role perfectly; I got more sexual fulfilment from watching her lick my shoes that I ever could from touching her. But nothing compared to how aroused I was when I saw her fall to the floor. This is what kept me going now, the thoughts of what I would feel as she died beneath my hands, the anguish on his face as he watched her die.

I just had to find her. They wouldn't have been stupid enough to put her into one of the regular safe houses. I knew the location of every one of them. Penelope and Morgan had just disappeared. They hadn't left a paper trail using personal or federal accounts so that left one possibility, she was somewhere personal to the team. Moreover, unfortunately for them, I was the best hacker the world had to offer I just need a little help and who better then an old lay? I found the number on my cell and hit send.

**Hotch POV **

There were crack beginning to show in the team. We had always been a well-oiled machine but now we were missing two of our most vital parts. Keeping the teams head in the game was starting to wear down my mask of calm. Frustration filtered through each one of us and into another. How would it not? A week and a half after the first murder and we were at a dead end. This case should have been a cakewalk, we knew who the un sub was, his stressors and the target of his aggression. What we hadn't counted on was Lynch covering his track so damn well. I was driving back to Quantico not only because I was personally bringing the Director up to speed but because I also needed the break.

I pulled the car into a vacant space and headed up from the underground car park. The ding of the elevators opened the doors onto a sea of familiarity. People going about their days, knowing there was something different about the case but it still being just another day in the office. I walked slowly through the open plan office allowing myself to enjoy the normality of it momentarily. The uncomfortable feeling of someone's gaze began to raise the hairs on the back of my neck. I searched the room for its source. By the photocopier, an intern stood fidgeting, her finger hovering over the buttons. Her expression speared me through, she was utterly terrified. Not wanting to draw attention to our little stand off I tilted my head discreetly in the direction of my office. Her eyes widened in shock and she opened her mouth as if to say something but I turned away before her mouth could for the words. Something told me that this was not a conversation to have on the office floor.

I left the door of my office open hoping it might make her feel more comfortable; people often underestimated how intimidating a closed door could be to those of a nervous disposition. Realising I was atrociously late for my meeting with the Director but not quite managing to give a shit I busied myself with paperwork and waited for her to make an appearance. Sure enough she did.

Her knock on the door was so light I wouldn't have heard it if I wasn't waiting for it. She stood in the doorjamb poised to take flight at any moment. She clearly wasn't going to break the silence.

"Can I help you with something Ms?"

"Barker, Catherine Barker, sir."

She paused again; I sat back and waited for her to collect her thoughts. All of a sudden, she seemed to steel herself, straightening her back and squaring her shoulders.

"Sir I have some information that I thought you might be interested in pertaining to Kevin Lynch"

I swallowed convulsively as my heart stuttered in my chest but I kept my face a mask of cool indifference.

"Any information you may have would of course be valuable Ms Barker, Please take a seat"

I motioned to the chair in front of my desk. As she slid in to it, her nerves reappeared and repressed the urge to shake the information out of her.

"Sir, myself and Mr Lynch were…erm…. Intimate about a nine and I was contacted by him two days ago on my cell phone"

I couldn't hide the shock from my face.

She placed the cell phone on the desk in front of me and I reached out instinctively to take it. Knowing, however, that Lynch wasn't stupid enough to have used any traceable number.

"And why are you only telling me this now?"

"I was afraid of the consequences. But keeping it secret is killing me and I know now that my internship her was over the minute I took the call. I can only hope at this point that I'm not arrested for my actions but even that is a fool's hope"

"What did he want from you?"

"To access BAU agents' personal assets records."

I left the room ten minutes later in a blind panic, Ms Barker not far behind, handcuffed and in the custody of two agents. Tears streamed down her face but I knew from experience that relief aided their flow along side her own misery. She'd pulled all the information she had given him and as I nearly ran back to the SUV I combed through it. In the elevator, I saw the name I'd been dreading.

"Fuck"

The expletive left my lips before I could control it earning me a dirty look from my fellow passenger. However, I could have given a shit.

He knew where they were.

Lynch was going to find them.

**Derek POV**

The days crept along slowly. I could tell Penelope was going slowly insane. Yesterday, she'd tried her hand at Taiwanese cooking which had near disastrous consequences for our kitchen. However, she had found the utter panic on my face as the pan caught fire amusing for hours after. We had watched the few DVD's I had twice or more and Penelope had now taken to reading the self-defence books my mother had bought me a few Christmases ago. God bless that woman, I thanked God everyday that she never fully understood the true nature of my job. But if it was something Penelope was interested in maybe I could help.

"Do you want a little hands on training, Baby Girl? You know, you're looking at a Kung-Fu ninja over here" I raised my eyebrows expectantly.

She looked surprised and started flipping the pages of the book nervously.

"Really, why do you wanna do that? Exercise has never really been my forte," She giggled awkwardly.

I knew there was some other reason for her attitude but I wasn't going to push it.

"Its not for exercise Penelope, it's to stop both of us going insane from boredom"

Her smile was hesitant but she nodded.

"Yeah, I guess we could give it a go"

"Cool, I'll go get the gear and I'll meet you in study"

The study was the one room of the house that wasn't finished. All the furniture was still in flat packs against the walls and the floor was completely clear. Grabbing the pads and gloves I threw on some sweat pants and a tank. I slipped my cell phone into my pocked and went down to meet Penelope. She'd changed clothes as well. Figure hugging yoga's and a tank top. As I discreetly adjusted myself, I thought that maybe this hadn't been such a bright idea after all.

I started by teaching her how to throw a good punch. I held the pads while she hit them. She would have been better kissing them for all the impact her gloves were making.

"Come on Penelope, give it some oomph"

She started punching a little harder but I could still tell that she was holding herself back. Maybe it just wasn't her thing.

"Okay, okay, what if we try something different"

"Like what?"

"How to fend off an attacker, close proximity" as soon as I said it heat began to travel up my neck. Ah shit, me and my big mouth.

"Yeah okay, sounds good"

"Okay Baby Girl, I'm gonna come at you from the front, use your elbows to push outwards and break my hold"

She nodded.

I went for her and tightly locked my arms around her back. Pressed tightly against my chest I fought to keep myself in the moment and tried to remember that I was supposed to be teaching her. She just felt so right there, I didn't want her to be able to fight me off; I wanted her to let me hold her if only for a little while.

She brought her arms and started pushing with her elbows. A couple of times they slipped and she lost her footing which had us both giggling like two kids.

"It has to be a sharp movement Penelope, if you use constant pressure I can adjust to it"

She pushed sharply and my grip was loosened enough for her to duck down and away from me. Her grin was triumphant.

"Well done, Baby Girl, you're a quick study"

"I learn from the best my chocolate Adonis"

"Right, I'll try coming at ya from behind"

Christ, I was actually blushing and Derek Morgan didn't blush. What the hell was wrong with me? I told her to use my own momentum against me and throw me off to the side.

Wrapping my arms around her front, I struggled to find a place to lock my arms in front of her. I had to settle underneath her breasts. I took a deep breath to steady myself but it didn't work. The situation in my trousers was becoming unbearable and I fought to keep the distance between my crotch and her ass or she was gonna find out exactly how much I was enjoying our little training session.

"Okay Baby Girl," Ah shit, my voice cracked "Throw me off"

She used her weight to try to shake me off but we only ended up in a very graceful lean. As she laughed, the warm sound caused her chest to jiggle enticingly against the knuckles of my locked hands. Jesus this was going to kill me.

"Remember what I said about the elbows. Sharp movements Baby Girl"

She nodded and quickly jerked to the side. I saw her ankle twist in slow motion and her arms reaching out for support that was there. Both of us tumbling to the ground I kept one arm wrapped protectively around her waist while moved the other up to brace her head. Thankfully, I was on the bottom of our two-car pile up. I looked down at her, momentarily panicked.

"You okay, baby"

She seemed dazed as to how she ended up on the floor and I smile at her confused expression. She extended her arm to brace herself on my shoulder and it seemed to dawn on her that she was laid on top of me.

"Oh my God, did I hurt you? You have to be crushed"

She struggled to get up but I held her firm. Not wanting to let go of her just yet

**Penelope POV **

"Derek, come on, let me up I'm too heavy for this"

I struggled to find purchase on the floor to lift myself up but his arms were like a steel cage around me.

"I could lay with you like this all day, Baby"

I looked down at him in shock, was his voice husky?

No it couldn't be, there was no way. Derek didn't think of me that way, he never had. I'd come to accept that long ago. My thoughts lost all coherency when he reached up and ran his fingers down the side of my face. Such a small gesture but it sent warmth coursing through me. I felt more alive in that moment then I had in the past three months.

"You can't be comfortable; I have to be hurting you"

"The only way you could hurt me Baby is if you moved away from me"

I had the feeling that we weren't just talking about me being laid on top of him anymore.

"That's never going to happen again, Derek. I promise"

His hand cupped the side of my face and he began stroking my lower lip with his thumb. His gaze, when it locked with mine, was so intense it took my breath from my lungs. His eyes smouldered and seemed to burn through me into my soul but there was also a vulnerability there was so unlike him.

"I hope not, Penelope Garcia, cause I don't think I'd survive it the next time"

A lump rose in my throat and I felt moisture pool in the corners of my eyes. I tried to find the words to express what I was feeling inside but I came up blank. There were none. So, we lay staring into each other's eyes. I have no idea how long we laid there, it could have been minutes or hours but the time didn't matter because in that moment I realised that I loved him. I loved him more than a friend or co-worker. I loved the man he was through and through. I ached for him. But my own insecurity wouldn't allow myself to foster the hope that he might feel the same way. With a strength I didn't know I had I voiced the question that I knew would either make or break us. I willed my voice to stay steady.

"Derek, what are we doing here?"

Jesus I sounded terrified even to my own ears.

"I think we're finally coming to understand one another, baby"

In a move to quick for me to follow, I was turned and suddenly pinned underneath him.

Not quite believing that this was happening I lay frozen beneath him. Afraid that if I so much as blinked he would evaporate into thin air.

He dipped his head toward me and placed a lingering kiss on my neck just below my ear. It was so overwhelming my eyes rolled back in my head. His scent, spice and musk, assaulted my senses and a small whimper escaped my lips before I could stop it. I felt him smile against my neck. He pulled back to look down on me. It was a quick glance, he studied my, drinking in my face, his eyes working there way down my body with a ferocity that set my blood alight. By the time his eyes met mine again my face was crimson with wanting.

"Do you have any idea how breath taking you are Ms Garcia?"

I tried to form some witty comeback but it was taking all my concentrating to keep myself breathing properly.

His eyes stayed on mine as his hand slipped down and gently brushed my ankle and worked its way up the outside of my calf. He stopped at my knee and lifted it gently. I gasped embarrassingly as he locked by leg around his hip. He lowered his head to me until we were face to face, barely an inch separating us. My eyes widened in shock when I felt his arousal pressing against me. He wanted me.

"Oh yeah, baby, that's all for you, you own me"

He circled his hips against me and I bit back a moan. He placed a tender kiss on the tip of my nose and smiled down at me his expression one of utter adoration.

"I've dreamt about you every night for seven years"

I was still absorbing that little revelation as his lips met mine and I finally found out what heaven was. His lips were soft and gentle at first but soon became more demanding. He teased my upper lip with his tongue seeking permission for access and I opened for him willingly. As his tongue met mine, a deep guttural growl emanated from his throat sending me into a near frenzy. I lost myself against his lips and expressed all the things I hadn't been able to say earlier. His hand drifted up into my hair and pulled my ponytail free. He slid the tresses through his fingers as he nipped my lower lip with his teeth. With our tongues dancing together, the taste of him overloading my senses, he lowered his hand to the hem of my tank top. He hesitated there, giving me a chance to say no, like there was any chance of that happening. He slowly began lifting the thin material brushing my bare skin with his thumb as he went. I thought I was going to combust if he didn't move things along faster. I was openly panting at this stage and I could bring myself to care. I was about to whip the tank off myself when I felt a vibrating between my legs.

We both froze and looked at each other in confusion as the vibrating confusion.

I cast a glance down between us.

"Does it normally do that, Hot Stuff?"

He threw his head back and laughed, the sound warmed my heart.

"Shit, no, it's got to be Hotch; I have to take it, Baby Girl"

He reached into his pants pocket and answered the call.

Ten seconds into the call, I knew something was wrong. Derek's brow was knitted together in barely contained fury. As he looked down at me, fear sparkled in his eyes. Shit, what had happened? Had Kevin killed again? I phased out of the conversation as my mind ran over the possibilities.

"We'll be on the road in fifteen minutes"

He abruptly ended the call and before I knew it, I was on my feet being pulled through the house to my bedroom.

"Pack only what's necessary for the drive, Penelope, we can get you new stuff when we get where we're goin"

I ran around the room throwing a few things into a tote bag as Derek went to do the same. When he came back less than a minute later, I saw that he had his side arm secured firmly at his hip.

"What's goin on, Derek?"

He looked at me as if he was debating whether to tell me. He took a deep breath and looked at me apologetically.

"He's found us Penelope, Lynch knows where we are, and he's known for two days now"

I fought to keep the fear threatening to immobilise me at bay. Derek ran over, grabbed my hand and started leading me down the stairs. There was no two ways about it, we had to get out and get out fast.

Derek locked up the house and we made our way to the car. I sat myself in the passenger seat while Derek threw our stuff in the trunk. Looking around the property nervously I willed Derek to go faster. Just as I heard the boot lid clunk shut I saw Kevin appear from the corner of the house and make his way toward the car. A pistol dangling at his side I began screaming for Derek with everything I had in me.

Just as Derek came into view, reaching for the gun attached to his belt I saw Kevin raise his pistol, I heard the deafening sound of gunfire,

And I saw Derek fall to the floor.

**A/N Howdy guys, a seriously long and juicy chapter me thinks. I hope you enjoyed it, please review and let me know your thoughts. **

**Much love as always **

**Treebz **

** x**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen **

**Reaper's Peace**

**Garcia POV **

Time slowed. I could feel it moving within me, weaving its disjointed pattern in my veins. This was wrong. Morgan does not fall; he's my rock, my strong man. But he does, splayed at an odd angle and motionless apart from the shallow rise and fall of his chest. At least he was breathing but for how long remained the question.

A sudden calm washed over me so serene and assured I welcomed it with open arms. But I knew it was the reapers peace, the calm acceptance of an inescapable death. And I was okay with it, as long as he lived, that the deaths ended with mine. The dark red of Derek's life's blood began to pool around him, lying face down I couldn't see where he had been hit meaning that the bullet had ricocheted around and was still lodged inside. I didn't know how long the team would take to get here and I wasn't going to put his life to chance. I was Kevin's endgame; I knew that from the beginning. But, I knew this man. I had lived with and loved him for two years. I knew how to play the game too.

Fuelled by pure adrenaline I stepped out of the car and donned my mask.

It was playtime.

**Derek POV **

The pain was blinding, straight in the gut. Fucker. Either he was a shit shot or he wanted me to die slowly and painfully. I knew I had twenty minutes at most before I was done. I had to think clearly for her, darkness was starting to creep into the edges of my vision and I tried to push it back. Maybe if I closed my eyes for a minute I could clear my head and think. As soon as my lids closed, I began to drift and all I saw was her, her golden hair, her face alive and flushed with life. He'd take that away, he'd kill her. I knew that for sure. My eyelids shot open at the sound of a car door closing.

Jesus why hadn't she just taken the car and left? What the hell was she doing? I could hear the crunch of her tennis shoes on the gravel coming closer to me and I resisted the urge to turn and see her face one last time. I felt the shadow cast by her body fall over me and her movement stopped, my blood staining the bottom of her shoes. Then she did the unthinkable.

She laughed.

That stung! I was so shocked I almost spun around to face her but apart from a slight clench of my jaw, I remained motionless. She lifted her leg and stepped over me making her way toward Lynch but she came to a halt a few meters away from me. Her voice rang out clear unaffected and adoring.

'Kevin, love, you found me'

Oh fuck, I closed my eyes.

**Garcia POV **

Shock flitted briefly across Kevin's face before he managed to compose himself. His lip curled into a sneer

'Did you ever doubt that I would?'

He looked terrible. Unshaven, dirty and weaker than before. He was still fit and much stronger than I was. But, he was no longer the pinnacle of strength for me. He seemed so small.

'No, never Kevin'

Again, shock played on his face but there was something else as well. Something I could exploit. Uncertainty. I decided to strike while the iron was hot.

'I saw what you made for me, they showed me pictures. You made them beautiful, Kevin' I had to bite back vomit. Listening to the lilt of my voice, I heard every conversation we'd ever had coming back to me ten fold.

'You want to make me beautiful, Kevin?'

His shoulders slumped in relief and he lowered the gun that had been trained on me, that finally I understood.

'That's all I ever wanted, Pen'. He looks at me beseechingly 'When I make you beautiful, you'll be with me forever, isn't that what you've always wanted?' He waves his arms, and the pistol, around wildly, animating his point. He truly looked like a mad man and I briefly pitied him. Very briefly.

'I want it more than anything in the world, what you want, I want. We are two halves of the whole. I waited for you! But, they were always there' I gestured toward Derek, disgust lacing my voice. Just a while longer, Derek.

Kevin cleared the distance between us in a few long strides and roughly cupped the side of my face his nails biting into the soft flesh of temple.

'You got a bit above yourself, didn't you Pen?'

'Yes, Kevin'

'Where should you have been?'

'Beside you, my love, at your feet'

His eyes gleamed triumphantly and he closed in to peck me lightly on the lips. I cleaved to him as I would have done before to prolong the contact and I could see the heavy drug of control had taken him. He closed his eyes, breathing deep the scent of my surrender and that's when I took him.

Stepping away from him, I lifted my leg and rammed my foot as hard as I could into the side of his injured knee. The sound he made was animalistic, a wounded animal deserving to be put out of its misery. Unlike Derek's I revelled in Kevin's fall as he slowly tipped backward. The sound of gunfire vaguely registered in my mind and there was a pinch somewhere along the right side of my body. But I felt nothing as I watched his slow descent. Pain contracting his pupils, creasing his brow, creating tears. It was glorious.

As he hit the ground, the pistol tumbled away from him but I was there to snatch it up and train it on his head. The control was mine. I had won.

'You fucking bitch. Ill kill you'

'Wasn't that the plan all along, my love?' I replied sweetly

He was dragging himself along the floor shouting expletives at me, he knee twisted at an odd angle, frothing at the mouth to get to me. I merely side stepped him. He was pathetic and I had to fight the urge to laugh. But this was a man who had killed because of me. Those poor women.

The tinkling sound of Derek's phone snapped me away from witnessing the dissolution of Kevin Lynch. I stepped toward Derek and reached into his pocket. 'Just hold on, Derek, please' I whisper to him. I don't look to see if he's still breathing, I can't deal with that possibility yet. I flip it open and see that its Hotch, I don't wait for him to speak.

'Hotch, we need an ambulance, Derek's been hit'

There's quiet on the other end but I can hear Hotch radioing in the call. Its over. I'd done all I could. I felt tears spring to my eyes and air rushing violently into my lungs as I gasped for breath. Kevin's rasping laughter floated over to me and his vicious eyes burned into mine.

'He's dead you stupid bitch'

'Garcia, EMT's will be there in a few minutes. Where's Lynch?'

'Dead'

I had the gratification of seeing his eyes widen in fear before I planted a bullet between them.

…...

The next few hours passed in a blur. The EMT's seemed to take forever but apparently, it was only a few minutes. I spent them curled next to Derek feeling his breathing getting gradually shallower, knowing that he wasn't going to make it. My tears slid silently down my face. If he was going to leave me I didn't want the last sound he heard to be my sobs. It should be the sound of the birds, the creaking of the home he had made for us, my whispered words of love that I wished he'd heard before. I press my lips to his gently, sharing his breath and whisper to him

'I wish I had said this years ago but now will do, I'm yours'

I hoped he knew I was beside him. I began to drift with him in this moment, losing myself to its calmness. That was until I was pushed aside by a paramedic who began working on Derek.

An unfamiliar face floated in front of me, his features blurred by my tears.

'Ma'am are you shot?'

'No' I said indignantly 'Look after Derek'

'Ma'am, you're bleeding quite a bit'

'Okay' I replied noncommittally vaguely registering that I wasn't making any sense.

My paramedic shook his head in exasperation and began to feel down my right side until pain lanced up my arm.

'Oh yeah, I have been shot'

At that, I started giggling uncontrollably and the paramedic narrowed his eyes at me.

He shouted back toward the ambulances 'Female with single gunshot wound, acute shock'

That's when things got blurry. I was in an ambulance, then the hospital. Events just mashed into one. My extra padding turned out to be useful, the bullet had nicked the soft flesh of my arm and gone straight through, couple of stitches and a sling, no biggie. Derek on the other hand was another story. From snippets of conversations with doctors, I gathered that it wasn't looking good. After that, I'd closed off. Sitting in the sterile family room part of me wished that we'd stayed in that moment at the house. I didn't even register the team coming in, I didn't feel their embraces, couldn't answer their questions. I just prayed for him to live.

**Derek POV **

I could feel her beside me. Her breath swirling around my face, her fingers tracing my lips and face, I knew that I could die content with her beside me as I became one with the darkness and let it take me.

I saw flashes. Christmases with my family, my sister's faces, my mother's smile and strength, infectious even in the depths of grief. The team, all of us sat in Penelope's apartment laughing or sat in comfortable silence. But mostly, it was her. It always has been. Seeing her for the first time in the bureau, uncomfortable in her black work clothes but still breathing light into the dismal office space. I remembered having to know her name, calling out to her. 'Baby Girl'. Her face was priceless. And so it began. Her constant flirtation, which never failed to stir me, the vulnerability in her eyes, which brought out the protector in me, the kindness in her that, made me love her. When I'd almost lost her the first time, I'd told her I loved her. She stood in her pyjamas in her quirky apartment, I should have kissed her but the fear clawed at me. I'd hoped she'd see but then she met Lynch and here we are. Worth it, because she lies next to me telling me that she loves me. Every droplet of my blood pales in comparison to the value of her love. It fills me, lifts me and I float.

**Hotch POV **

Completely unused to being useless I do the only thing I can. I pace. I imagine wearing a path through the grey linoleum and make it my personal mission. The journey here had been torture, too long and too silence filled. None of us had known what to say.

I had decided that I was going to forget the fact that I heard the gunshot that killed Lynch, that he was obviously subdued by the time I had called. I was glad that he was dead and I understood the rage she felt when she did it, I had done the same thing.

As a team we were in pieces, Garcia looked the way she had when I found her when Lynch had left, J.J absently rubbing her shoulders. Prentiss and Reid were huddled together talking in hushed voices casting worried glances at Garcia. Rossi sat alone looking weary, this whole business had aged him, I couldn't deny it had had the same effect on me. Sighing heavily I dropped into the chair next to him, startling him out of his thoughts. He ran his hand over his face to wipe his fears out of it but gave me a small smile that was filled with them anyway and didn't reach his eyes.

'How long has it been now?'

I checked my watch even though I knew already

'He's been in there five hours'

He nodded his head. We both knew what the other was thinking.

'Hotch, if he doesn't…..'

His sentence was cut short by a surgeon striding through the doors and we all collectively stood. All of us analysed his face for any inkling of what the news would be. I didn't realise I was holding my breath until he said the words we all wanted to hear.

'He's stable for the time being'

The sound of seven exhaled breaths filled the small room and I could hear Garcia's gentle sobs of relief.

'He lost a lot of blood and there were extensive external injuries but we believe he'll recover well. You can see him tomorrow'. The doctor smiled at us, his face filled with exhaustion and left the room.

When he left, we slipped back into silence but this time it was a comfortable one. Sitting a little closer we talked about what had happened we all knew there was no going home, no sleep. Not until we saw him. I don't know if I was the only one who realised that we had left one chair empty in the middle of us.

**Garcia POV **

I couldn't mask the sob that escaped me when I saw him. He was perfect but too still. He still hadn't woken up but the doctors said that it was normal and probably for the best to allow his body to heal itself. I'd resurfaced to the land of the living when the surgeon had told us he was going to be okay. We all knew it would be a long road to recovery, but he would recover.

The sheet was tucked into his side at the hip, pulled tight by the nurses in the position of someone in an unnatural sleep. His waist was heavily bandaged and his chest covered in monitors. The steady beep of the heart monitor was like a song to me and my own heart beat in time with it. I went to his side and took his hand in mine, bringing it to my lips to kiss. The team knew that I wouldn't leave this spot until he opened his eyes. So, I settled myself beside him once again.

I measured time only by the beating of his heart and the warmth that gradually began to come back to his body, until finally his eyelids began to flutter. I held my breath not wanting to startle him to the world. He came around gradually and I marvelled in all his little nuances, the twitch of his nose, the way he licked his lips until he was ready to open his eyes and see me.

His eyes scanned the room deducting where he was until he felt the pressure in the hand I was holding and followed my arm up to my face. My treacherous eyes blurred my vision as I said the words that had to be said first.

'I am so sorry. I love you so much, Derek'

He dropped my hand and ran his fingers down the side of my face as light as a feather but it sent an electric jolt through me.

'I love you too' His voice was groggy with sleep and anaesthetic but it was still the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

'Not gonna lie though, you scared the shit outta me, Baby Girl' his eyes were reproachful. 'I thought I'd lost you'

'Hey, same here Hot Stuff' I giggled in response. Derek was here, awake, talking to me. I felt so buoyant and light like everything was right with the world.

…...

**A month later.**

I couldn't deny that the memory of killing Kevin still haunted me. When I closed my eyes, I saw his last moments on repeat. Part of me wishes I hadn't done it but I knew myself that it wasn't a big enough part. I pottered around Derek's apartment getting dinner ready, well our apartment now, I was still getting used to the idea.

I couldn't face going back to my old place; Kevin had tainted it and Derek had the house closed down for a while not quite sure what we were going to do with it. Every day I was becoming more and more myself, finding my feet again. I'd found a few quirky bits and pieces to put into Derek's man cave so there was a little bit of me there.

I'd tried to do it tastefully but I hadn't really pulled it off. I hope Derek liked it, well, I'd find out when he gets here. Finally discharged from hospital and much more like his old cocky self he was coming home. His rehabilitation had been long and hard. There'd been a few times he'd gotten frustrated with the doctors, himself and me, but he'd done it.

He was still angry with himself for being shot in the first place, that he'd left me to deal with Kevin on my own. I've told him repeatedly that he didn't leave me; everything I did that day was for him. To which he generally looks at me as if I have grown another head.

I hear the key turn in the lock and check my watch. 'Right on time' I think to myself smiling. The door swings open to reveal an Adonis, my Adonis. Dressed in his customary black shirt and jean he is a sultry vision of pure utter sexiness. His eyes find me and light up as if I'm the only thing he see's. I feel my heart quicken under his gaze and the apartment is suddenly very warm.

Reading me like a book he quirks his eyebrow before pulling me into his arms and whispering in my ear 'Now, now Baby Girl, looks like that lead to dangerous places and we have a dinner to sit through'. He turns my face to him gently and sets me ablaze with his kiss. I faintly hear someone clear his or her throat and he breaks away from me. I sway on the spot and can hear nothing but the rush of my own blood through my ears. By his cocky smile, he knows exactly what he's done and I narrow my eyes playfully at him.

Derek's dining room table is a much more appropriate size than mine was and the team sit around it comfortably, not on top of each other. We eat and drink wine, Hotch filling us in about Jack's school sports day, nobody admitting that my cooking really isn't that good. No one talks of work or what happened until Hotch raises his glass.

"Well, as you all know these last few months have been….well, you all know how they've been. However, because of it we've never been stronger as a team, as friends…as family. So I'd just like to raise my glass to us, because we fucking deserve it this time'

The table erupts into laughter; we all say rambunctious cheers and drain our glasses. Derek sits beside me, my hand in his, his thumb drawing lazy circles on my wrist. I don't think I have ever been as content.

As the evening wears on, the group disperses one by one, some a little more wobbly than others, Rossi most of all, until it was just Reid and us left. He was talking to me about code and my time as a hacker. Strange as he'd never asked me before. He seemed truly interested and it was question after question. But that was Reid and his constant quest for knowledge. As I was talking to him, I could hear Derek getting restless on the sofa next to me.

"Reid! Man, come on!"

Reid's face was a mask of innocence but he was fighting a smile.

"What? I want to know Morgan, you know, studies show that people with a…."

"I don't care! I just wanna…." He casts a glance at me and Reid bursts out laughing. "Oh you're an evil sonofabitch, you'll pay".

"Sorry Morgan, I had to do it! How long have you two been waiting to get together? Surely you can wait a little longer!"

"OUT!"

Giggling to myself, Reid gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before he heads for the door.

"Boy, you are pushing your luck tonight"

Reid's laughter filters back to us after he closes the door.

And then we're alone.

I'm amazed by how calm I am, I have butterflies in my stomach, but I am not nervous. We've waited long enough for this. We stand a few feet apart, his eyes burning into mine until he takes my hand and brings it to his lips. He kisses it as he leads me to our bedroom. I have imagined this moment over and over in my mind. More so, since he was shot, I know he's still in pain even though he won't admit it.

We stand at the foot of our bed as he reaches behind me to free my curls. Running his fingers through them, he says 'I wish I had said this years ago but now will do, I'm yours'. Tears spring to my eyes; he had heard me and knew I was there with him. I reach up onto my tiptoes and capture his mouth with mine. It scorches and fuels the desire raging inside of me but I don't hurry it. My hands have other ideas, tracing the contours of his chest, feeling his muscles tense beneath my fingers.

'Lay down on the bed' I whisper in his ear. He does so without hesitation and watches me with eyes like burning embers as I undress for him. I have never felt as confident or more wanted in my entire life. I join him on the bed as we learn each other's bodies, never rushing, learning the touches the other wants most, savouring every minute until finally, we became one. There is no sweeter feeling. I lose myself and give myself over to it completely. My body becomes tuned to his and I feel myself being restrung moving in rhythm to a song that is entirely ours.

Spent and breathing heavily we are back where we started, I'm sure I will never tire of kissing him. As the heat of our passion begins to fade, he curls me into the warmth of his body and his arms enfold me. I drift into the soundest sleep I have ever had and dream of the possibilities yet to come. We don't know what they are but I have the love of a man who loves me for who I am.

Wherever we may end up, it will always be worth it.

**A/N **

**Well ladies and gents, that's it. **

**The support this story has received has been overwhelming and not wanting to disappoint people is partly the reason it has taken so long for me to finish.** **In truth, it is only the constant nagging of a select number of my friends that have pushed me to finish it and I'm so glad I have. I can only hope that you're happy with the ending. It was always my intention that Garcia should ultimately save herself and I'm sorry to those who wanted Derek to save the day. **

**For anyone who is interested, Derek and Penelope's characters have had a soundtrack for me. I play them whenever I'm writing the story. They're beautiful songs and deserve a listen.**

**Penelope - '**_**Shipwrecked' **_**by Shane Alexander **

**Derek - '**_**Lonely' **_**by Yael Naim **

**Thank you so much for following my little story. **

**Much love as always**

**Treebz**


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